The Neuroscientist and the World Traveler

The Neuroscientist ("NS") is a guy I met at a friend's birthday party this summer.  While I was at said party, I noticed a guy standing not too far away that looked pretty cute....so, I went up to my friend and asked who the hottie was.  |It turns out that was a guy that she had spoken about before...one that she and my former roommate had described a really nice person.  So, my friend walked me over to the group of people with whom he was talking and and somehow "casually" interjected us into the conversation. 

We spent the rest of my time there chatting, doing shots with others and trying to get other people to do kareoke.  Maybe that was just me who tried for the Kareoke.  I can't remember.  A few days later my friend texted me saying that NS had asked her for my number.  I asked if he had done that on his own or if she had said something to him at her party.  She told me that she mentioned that I had asked about him...but, whatever, I didn't care.  Anyways, he texted me a couple of days and we ended up getting drinks that week.  We went to a bar by his place and had a good time. I was super tired though, so around 10 pm I was the one who said we should get going.  We went out one more time the following week and I thought we had a good time.  Again, it was I who had to suggest ending the date.  A few days after that, he texted me saying that he was really busy that week (he really was a neuroscientist...he was actually starting a fellowship in neuroscience when we met) and asked if we could get together the following week. I said sure and we chatted a bit over text message.  He never texted me to make those plans. 

What the heck happened there?  In the beginning I thought, this is great...I have two friends that can vouch for his nicety and there's no way that he would act like a jerk given the fact that we have mutual friends.  But, it seems as though that's not a hinderance.  Is it really easier to blow a girl off knowing that your mutual friends will find out than it is to simply say "hey, I don't think this is going to work" or "hey, I like you, but I just don't have the time for this right now."  I feel like it can't be.  It's  not like it's neuro science or something.

The World Traveler is someone I dated from May to August of this past summer.  Things started off really well.  I always had a good time when we went out...he would make plans with me well in advance and would make a point to see me each week.  When we first started seeing each other, he was busy with something every weekend - a wedding, him mom coming to visit, his sister coming to visit, etc etc.  So, when the first weekend came that he didn't have any set plans, I thought for sure he was going to ask me to do something either Friday or Saturday night.  It turns out I was not factored into his weekend plans at all.  Seeing as how it had been over a month already and he was traveling abroad for 2 weeks not long after, I was pissed.

When I suggested Friday or Saturday night, he told me that he had dinner plans with his cousin Friday night and dinner plans with a friend Saturday night.  So, he asked me if we could hang out Thursday.  I said no.  Sensing my pissed-off-edness, he switched his Friday night plans and asked me to go to dinner instead.   I picked a place by my apartment, since every other time we had gone back to his place after dinner.  Dinner was fun...and then we went back to my apartment to drink some wine and watch tv...and that led to the obvious...

Afterwards, we just laid around talking for a bit, and then he got up and got dressed.  I asked him, shockingly, whether he was going home.  He replied that he was becuase he didn't like to sleep in other people's beds.  Now I was really mad.  Especially because I had shared with him my dislike of the idea of going home after sex.

The following week he was leaving for his two week vacation...so, I agreed to go out with him again Monday night thinking I was going to ask him "what we were."  But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was pointless.  He was already in vacation mode and I didn't want to be that crazy girl that wants to talk relationship right before he leaves.  So, I simply said "give me a call if you want when you're back." 

He did get in touch with me when he was back...but, of course couldn't make time for me on the weekend.  But, he did find time to call me at 11 pm that Friday night that he already had plans to see if he could come over.  I was pretty sick that whole week, so I figured "ehh, why not...it's not like I'm well enough to do anything...plus if he really upsets me, I'll just cough on him."  So, he came by...we watched tv and went to bed shortly after.  He stayed over, which I guess was a nice gesture.

We went to dinner the following Monday night and that was all well and good.  Afterwards, we went back to his place to hook up and watch some Olympics.  That was the last I saw him. 

About a week and a half after that Monday night, he texted me to say that he had quit his job and was going to be traveling around for 6 months.  I remembered our second date when after dinner we went back to his rooftop to have some wine and chit-chat, he told me that he wanted to spend 6 months traveling around south east Asia.  I remember thinking "who at the age of 28 would just take off for 6 months like that?"  That guy would.  He explained in his text message that he had a 6 month non-compete clause in his employment contract, so, that's how he was able to leave for so long. 

What makes me the most mad is not that he ended things so abruptly like that, but the fact that everytime he would complain about work, I asked him what was going on. But, he refused to talk about it.  Then, after 4 months of seeing each other, he just springs on me that his job is over and he's leaving the country.  Had he told me that things were bad at work and traveling for half a year was a real possibility, maybe I wouldn't have invested my time and emotions.  But, I guess that's why he kept that information to himself. 

Anyway, I don't think it would've worked with him.  Besides the not wanting to see me on weekends, I couldn't really stand that he always wore jeans and trouser socks.  I remember one night when we were laying in bed, I looked down on the floor and saw his socks neatly rolled up into a ball.  I thought to myself, "those are such old men socks...why does he always wear them and loafers?!"  Maybe it all worked out for the best.

Next: The Frugal Gourmet

The Summer of Men - Part I

After things ended with the guy featured in my prior post, I began to see other guys.  I went on a few dates here and there with no one worth mentioning.  There were however, four guys who made this summer interesting to say the least.

First, is a blast from my recent dating past - The Grown Up Frat Boy aka D-bag.  As you may remember, he was a grown up man-child who pretended that he wanted to settle down and have a serious relationship.  Except that that wasn't as much fun as going clubbing every night and partying with his boys on the regular.

After several months of not speaking to each other, he sent me a message on Facebook in the middle of the night.  It was a short message: "Hey."  But, I could tell what it was he wanted.  The following Saturday evening, I responded asking "drunk much last night?"  He replied by inviting me out to a club with him and his friends that night.  For whatever reason, I decided to go.  Seeing as how I haven't been to a club since I was probably 23, I didn't know what to wear.  My roommate helped me put together an outfit...I wore a short grey shift dress, my big fake pearl earrings, my roommate's blue/gold chunky neckalace and my 4 inch patent leather beige heels.  When I met him at da club, he told me I looked good - "very corporate", I believe were his exact words.

It was his buddy's birthday, so 35 of their closest friends had gotten a table and a bottle. GUFB asked what he could make me and I told him to just give me some vodka on the rocks.  The house music was blaring, the strobe lights were flashing...I knew I was going to need the aid of hard liquor for this. 

The surprising thing was that I actually had a good time.  We chatted about non-sense the whole night...joked around...had a good time all around.  At the end of the night, I went back with him to his place, but didn't sleep with him.  I of course fell asleep on the couch and he carried me to bed, gave me PJ's and helped me take my contacts out.  I thought maybe he's not so bad...he seems to be doing nice things. 

I left early Sunday morning, but before I left he confirmed that we were going out to dinner the next night (he asked me at da club, but I just rolled my eyes b/c I remembered how he would always make plans and then cancel at the last minute).  I told him sure and to call me.

He did call. I met him at his apartment and we walked to a restaurant in the Meatpacking District.  Dinner was really good and afterwards, I went back with him to his place for a little.  We watched a recorded episode of jeopardy and one thing led to another and yada yada yada.

I left around 11:30 and I remember thinking, ehh that wasn't so great.

That didn't, however, stop me from texting him about 2 weeks later.  My roommate and I were moving out of our apartment and Time Warner had come to take away all of our forms of entertainment.  We passed the night away by eating dinner, then eating a lot of cake and I drank 3/4 of a bottle of wine.  It was still only 9 pm.  With a little encouragement from my roommate and a lot of encouragement from all the wine I drank, I texted GUFB telling him he should come over.  You would think that a guy would show up soon after that.  Instead, here's how the conversation went:

GUFB: Did you just invite me over for an adult play date?

Me: Oh good, you got it.  I was worried it wasn't clear.

GUFB: Haha.  I literally just walked in from work and I ordered food...come here, I have sex and tv.

Me: Nah, you come here.  I have cake leftovers.

GUFB:  Cake?  I need real food.

Me:  (insert last name of GUFB), you dissapoint me.  Goodnight.

GUFB:  I'll text you after I eat.

Me:  Well, hurry up b/c I'm going to bed soon.

By the time he texted me back, it was too late. 

We rescheduled the play date for another night.  And, it was not fun.  He was drunk from hanging out with his boys all day and was being incredibly rude and obnoxious.  I ended up not getting any sleep that night because he kept his apartment at sub-arctic temperatures and apparently had no idea where his blanket was.  I couldn't wait to get up in the morning to go to work.

I'm pretty sure there won't be anymore playdates. 

Next: The Neuroscientist and the World Traveler

I'm Back

It's been a while since I wrote an entry so, as I sit here today, hungover from drinking many shots last night, I've decided that it's time to update you all on my love life. 

The last time I wrote I had been seeing a guy for about a month and things were actually going pretty well.  I guess I'll start with how that ended.

This guy was funny, cute, smart and seemed so sweet.  He would get in touch with me on a Monday to make plans with me for the weekend...he never let me pay for anything....he would email me in between dates just to say hi...I really liked him.  We went out on three dates within the course of three weeks and for our fourth date, I decided to invite him to my friend's birthday gathering at a local bar.  That Friday night we first went to dinner, which was a lot of fun and during which he spoke of us going to the beach together when the summer came.  I thought to myself, ok, he must like me if he's talking about hanging out several months from now.  After dinner, we went to my friend's birthday at the bar where he met a few of my friends and everyone seemed to like him.  I was so happy.  After the bar, I went back with him to his place.  The next day, things started to get weird.

That entire weekend I had continuing legal education courses that I had to attend.  So, I got up around 7 am Saturday morning at his place to go to class.  I was a little annoyed that he didn't get out of bed to walk me out of his apartment.  I got progressively annoyed as the weekend went on because he hadn't texted or called me to ask me how the class was going or just to say hey.  By Sunday night I was upset and worried that he wasn't going to speak to me again despite how great of a time we were having with each other.  But, around 9 pm that Sunday night, he finally texted me asking how the rest of my weekend was.  The next day at work, I expected an email or something asking me to go out again.  But, no such email came.  On Tuesday, he sent me an odd email simply asking how my week was going, but not asking to see me again.  I wrote back asking him what he was up to that week and he never responded.  At the end of the week, he wrote back to me stating that he didn't do anything during the week (I obvioulsy wondered why he didn't ask me to hang out then).  However, he did invite me out for Saturday...to bring some girlfriends to meet up with him and his friends for Cinco de Mayo drinking festivites. I knew something was up at this point, so I friended him on Facebook so that I could do some stalking research.  Turned out he had just gotten out of a five year long relationship about six months prior to our starting to date.  It all made sense me to then.

The following week, I emailed him to ask him if he wanted to get a drink one night.  My plan was to ask him what his deal was because while he had become distant, he was still sending me random one-liner emails.  Of course, he didn't have time to get a drink and by the end of the week he had sent me an email telling me that he really liked me, but was trying to work on things with his ex.

I got mixed advice from friends, but in the end I decided to reply to his email.  I stated that I knew something was up with his ex, which I had hoped to find out about over a drink and that I thought he was rude and disrespecful by leading me on and by not just telling me the truth from the get-go.  He responded that he was sorry and that he was so confused, etc etc.

That was the end of that.

Fast forward about two months....I was awoken on a Thursday night at 1:45 am to the sound of my phone ringing.  It was him.  I figured he accidentally dialed my number, so I silenced the call and went back to sleep.  Fifteen minutes later, he called again.  I silenced the call and went back to bed.  The next morning, I consulted my source of all important information - Facebook.  I saw that at around 2 am he checked in at a bar close to my apartment. I then knew the calls were no accident. 

So, I texted him that morning to thank him for the early wake up call.  He wrote back asking me if he could talk to me later that day.  I asked about what and he replied "just, everything..."  I have to say, I was pretty excited.  But, of course, he never called.  The next night, he texted me at 3 am asking if it was too late to call and if so, if he could call me tomorrow.  I told him to call me tomorrow.  By 10 pm that next day, he still hadn't contacted me so I decided to text him a friendly little message stating not to call or text me at 2 am in his drunken stupor.  He never responded.

And, that was really the end of that.

Long Overdue Update

Hey all, sorry for the lack of posting recently.  Here's a quick update on my dating life:

A few weeks ago I found out through Facebook that my ex has had a girlfriend for several months now.  It was a total shock and incredibly depressing.  I threw myself a pity party that weekend where I got drunk with some girlfriends and got lost in some amazing realty television.  The following Monday though the party was over and I resolved to stop nit-picking at all my dates and to really try to find a successful relationship.

I continued to date a few guys and I honestly had fun while out with each of them.  But, more importantly, for the last month I've been out a few times with one guy in particular who I really like.  He's sooooo sweet, funny, cute and smart and I have a great time each time we go out.  We have our fourth date this Friday....he's coming with me to a friend's birthday party and we're going out to dinner before hand.  Unlike many of the other guys I've dated, I actually can't wait to see this one and get excited whenever he texts or emails me.  I'm excited to see where this goes (and at the same time of course nervous and scared that it will end poorly - I wouldn't be me if I wasn't)...stay tuned!

A P.S. on Mr. Scientist

One of the things I forgot to mention about my date last night with Mr. Scientist was that we had planned to meet at 7:30 at a bar he chose.  I had a long day at work and was running behind schedule, so I asked him if we could move it to 8 p.m.  He responded "hmmm, how about 7:45?"  I was annoyed that he couldn't give me the extra 15 minutes, but agreed to meet him then nonetheless.  I got home, changed quickly, had my roommate help me with my make up and ran out of my apartment and into a cab to meet him on time.

Tonight, I got dinner with two of my friends (Roommate and Range Rover) and was telling them about my date last night, including the part about how he was willing to let me split the bill with him.  I stated my frustration with the fact that he couldn't even give me the extra 15 minutes to get ready and then on top of that he wanted to split our $10 bill...the drinks were so cheap because it was happy hour. Range Rover then pointed out what I was too oblivious to see - that he wanted to meet before 8 pm because that's probably when happy hour ended.  He wanted to ensure that he wouldn't have to pay for more than 1 happy hour priced drink!!!  To confirm, Roommate called the bar to see what time/days happy hour was and sure enough it's every Monday through Thursday until 8 p.m. 

So, this guy not only wouldn't give me 15 minutes extra to get ready after a long, rushed day at work.  But, he did it to make sure he wouldn't have to spend more than $5 on my drink.  Real classy.

Mr. Scientist (or Cheapo as I will now refer to him) texted me tonight.  I am yet to decide whether to respond.  Although I'm leaning towards no, I'll give it until tomorrow to decide.  If I do go out with him again, it'll be at a time that works for me and I may even push the envelope and suggest ordering food.  That'll show him!

Party Boat and Mr. Scientist

I know I haven't written since my ending it with Mr. Quiet and I apologize because I'm sure you're all sitting by your computers incessently hitting refresh hoping to read about new dating adventures.  Unfortunately though, there is nothing terribly exciting to report.

While there haven't been any reassuring experiences lately, I am still going on dates and seeing what's out there.  This past Sunday, I had plans to go on a singles' cruise type of party.  It sounded like a fun idea in theory...I went with two friends and we first, wisely, had about three glasses of wine at one of our apartments.  Slightly buzzed and even less slightly hopeful, we ventured to the party boat.  Upon arrival, we took one look at the line of freaks people waiting to board the boat, and instantly knew this was not where we would find our dream men. Or any men really for that matter, as most of the people there were scantily clad girls who didn't seem to mind the fact that it was 40 degrees out and they were wearing clothes no bigger than my hand towels.

We quickly decided to ditch the party boat and took our dressed-up selves to a fun beer bar (I happen to have pissed off the owner of this bar once but it was fine, because I wasn't planning to use my credit card, so they'd have no way of knowing who I was).  The three of us ordered flights of beer and discussed men and dating and it ended up being a really nice night.  The best part?  I was at home by 9 and in bed by 10! 

Then, last night I went out with a guy who I'll call Mr. Scientist.  He was cute, really smart and had a really interesting job.  He studies genetics looking for indications of mental illness (I think that's the gist of it...but, I could be way off).  I was interested in his profession, so I asked a million questions, mainly about how to tell if one will eventually suffer a mental breakdown and lose his/her mind.  But, then I began to worry that maybe he thought I was asking for my own personal knowledge.  So, I cooled it on the mental illness talk.

The date was o.k...nothing special.  By 10 pm, I was getting tired and we had run out of things to talk about, so he kept laughing nervously and I kept racking my brain for another question to ask.  Finally, he got the bill and I offered to split it with him.  He said, it's up to you if you want to...but, you don't have to.  That annoyed me, so I said, ok thanks and put my wallet away.  The old Ruby would've split it because she felt bad.  The current Ruby is over that.

On top of that, when we left the bar, he kept putting his arms around me in an attempt to warm me up and laughing.  As we all know by now, I do not appreciate this type unwelcome touching.  Maybe I'm more reserved than others, but seriously, if I'm not reciprocating, then keep your hands to yourself buddy.

That's all for now.  I contemplated sharing a few more stories of bad dates from last year.  But, I'm thinking it's best to just look forward and hope for better.  Examples of those include: the guy who asked me on the first date to go back to his apartment to smoke pot , the British low talker, and the Aussie who I was having a great time with only to have the three hour date end awkwardly and then never hear from him again.  Good times.

A True Good Guy: Update on Mr. Quiet

So, a couple of posts ago, I wrote about my dates with Mr. Quiet and I left off stating that I had a dinner date with him last Saturday night.  Here's how that went down:

I met him at a Thai restaurant in Hell's Kitchen - third date and he was still picking the place and making the plans, which I thought was really nice of him.  Dinner was ok.  We had to wait for our table, so we sat at the bar and he offered to get us drinks.  It was pretty packed and I watched him trying to get the bartender's attention...he just kind of stood there, half raising his hand to be noticed.  If it were me, I would've squeezed myself into the crowd and would've politely asserted myself. 

After he got us drinks we chatted at the bar for a little.  He told me about how he went snowboarding with some friends last week and how his friend's car's window had broken.  He said that he and his friends didn't haggle with insurance or something of that nature and it reminded me of the time my car broke down while driving to Canada because the mechanic who performed an oil change on it earlier that day forgot to put the cap back in properly.  I told him that I had been really agressive and refused to take no from the insurance company everytime they told me they weren't responsible for something.  At this point, I was having trouble hiding my disappointment that he was so reserved and laid-back.

When we sat down to eat, I found it difficult to keep up conversation with him.  It seemed like again I was asking all the questions and everytime he was answering, I was already thinking about what to ask next so that there wouldn't be any awkward silence.  At one point we discussed books we had read and were currently reading.  Luckily that took up a good amount of time and his comments reflected his intelligence, which I liked a lot.

After dinner, this shy guy surprisingly said to me "so, instead of going to a bar, do you want to just come back to my apartment?" I was shocked and even though I didn't want to, I agreed because I felt bad saying no!  He was so sweet, how could I shoot him down?!  It was probably a bad idea in hindsight. 

We walked over to his apartment in silence for the most part because I had started to feel really awkward and uncomfortable.  When we got upstairs he asked if I wanted to watch a movie.  Unable to commit to being there for two hours, I suggeseted we watch episodes of Bored to Death (it came up on his Netflix).  He put the show on and turned off the lights and I became a statue.  The closer he got to me and the more he kept touching me, the more still I became.  I felt bad and at the same time felt angry that he wasn't picking up on my hesitations.  After the episode was over, he kissed me and I made up an excuse for having to leave.  He tried to kiss me some more and I went along with it for a few more minutes.  Not wanting to be there and not wanting to lead him on any further, I said I had to go.

I was mad at myself that here I had this pefectly sweet, smart guy and I wasn't into him. One of the things I loved the most about my ex was his ability to converse with complete strangers (he would strike up conversations with people at weddings, with cab drivers, anyone!) and the ease with which he made friends in any situation.  He was confident and outgoing and I realize now that those are qualities I find important in a man.

I told a few of my friends about my date with Mr. Quiet and how I hated myself for not liking him.  They each said that it's fine to not be into someone, but that I couldn't lead him on...so, if he asked to see me again, I would have to say no. 

Mr. Quiet texted me Monday night to ask how my day was and if I wanted to go out with him again this week.  With shaky hands, I texted him back that I thought was awesome and so nice, but wasn't feeling this at the moment.  He later responded that he was sorry it didn't work out and wished me luck in my search for someone.  A truly sweet and mature guy.

The Drunkard

This past Wednesday I went out with a guy who I will call "The Drunkard."  He works down the street from where I work and he lives down the street from where I live.  Yet for some reason we met at a bar about thirty blocks away from us.  This may not seem like a big deal, but when you're going on several dates a week and taking a cab there and back so as to be punctual, that adds up! 

He had texted me while I was in the cab saying that the bar we were going to go to was packed so we should go somewhere else.  I suggested a place I knew to be relatively quiet to the others in the area and he said that was fine.  I got out of the cab and met at him outside the bar he was apparently drinking at for the past forty minutes.  He went to hug me hello and he reeeeeeked of booze.  Sexy.

As were were walking to the bar we passed a cute wine bar and I said, let's just go in here.  We sat at the bar and hilarity/misery ensued.  At first we were talking, asking each other questions about our jobs, our families, etc etc.  That was all fine.  But, in the amount of time it took me to have a few sips of my glass of wine, he had downed a giant mug of beer.  He was then onto beer number two (at this place, I'm not sure how many he had by himself at the prior bar). 

He started slurring his words a little and was in the middle of telling me about a beer garden in Pittsburgh where they sing a funny song - and then he starts singing the song.  I was trying so hard not to crack up when he was singing about the tall, tall giraffes and how the little fishes swim and whatever other animals were involved in that awful song. 

After that he thought he was hysterical so he kept laughing randomly and asking me questions that he forgot he had already asked me five minutes ago.  When I repeated my answers, he'd laugh even harder.  And one point he was telling me something with his finger pointed right in my face.  I almost smacked his hand away. 

It was after he got up to pee for the second time and was holding his crotch and doing a little bit of the pee-pee dance that I decided I needed to get out of there.  When he came back from the bathroom, he asked me for the second time if I wanted to get food and again I said no.  I told him that I wasn't going to be able to finish my wine and that I was ready to go.  He got the check and then pushed it away and continued to ask me more questions that he already asked me.  I couldn't sit there with the drunkard anymore so I pointed to the bill and asked if we should split it.  He said he got it and I quickly put on my coat and jumped off my seat (at this point, he was practically sitting in my lap because he kept leaning over into me with each sip of beer).  I thanked him and quickly walked away in the opposite direction.

Dates like this make me really appreciate Mr. Quiet even if I do have to do all the talking. 

Mr. Quiet

So, in the last few weeks I've been out twice with a guy we will call "Mr. Quiet."  I wasn't expecting much from our first date, but I had bought a new bracelet that day and was excited to have a reason to where my new sparkly purchase.  (I  love to plan my meals and my outfits - the best dates are where I can do both) 

We went for drinks at a bar by my apartment - he offered to come up to my neighborhood and he picked the place - so, at least I knew he was a nice guy who put some effort into our first date.  The date was about two hours long and was surprisingly pleasant!

The next day he texted me that he had a great time with me and hopefully we'd hang out again soon.  I loved that he was so nice and said that we should definitely go out again.  I figured we'd go to dinner or something, but he asked me if I wanted to play pool or ping pong or go to dinner.  I really just wanted to go to dinner seeing as how I hadn't played pool or ping pong in probably ten years or so and didn't even know where we'd go to do that.  But, I didn't want to offend him just in case he was a hardcore ping pong player or something.  So, I went along with this new activity and thought "hey, who knows, maybe I'll emerge as a professional ping pong star."  (I'm always looking for ways to not have to go to work anymore).

We ended up going to Slate in Chelsea, which is a fun/normal place.  It was a little odd at first because it was only our second date and you obvioulsy can't converse while standing on opposite ends of a ping pong table.  We mainly stood there smacking the ball back and forth and broke up the silence by joking about how bad I was.  Which was fine...I was glad to contribute.  I clearly knew nothing about the game, so I trusted him to keep score fairly - I was always somewhere in between zero and two points per game, so he really just had to keep count for himself.

After we were done playing we finished our drinks and chatted a little.  I noticed though that he was sort of quiet and I found myself asking most of the questions and trying to keep the conversation going.  It's not my usual role as I'm not super talkative and outgoing, but I can be if the guy I'm with is.  Still though, he was nice, pleasant to look at and I was having a good time.

After Slate we went to dinner at a place his friend recommended and I felt at times it was a little awkward because he wasn't so talkative.  I kept asking questions and while he was speaking I was thinking, "what can I ask next so there's no silence?" 

We found things to talk about luckily and then left shortly after finishing dinner. He offered to split a cab going uptown even though it entailed him walking two avenues after he got out.  I thought that was really sweet of him.  However, once we were in the cab, this quiet/shy guy grabs my hand to hold and that really caught me off guard because I am soooo not a fan of the forced hand hold.  I hate it!!!!!  I felt so awkard...I just kept my hand held out while he held it and we sat in silence during the cab ride.  Oddly enough, when he kissed me before getting out of the cab, that felt perfectly fine...but, the hand hold really freaked me out.  Go figure.

I'm going out to dinner with Mr. Quiet tonight and am excited/interested to see how it goes.  While I don't feel like "omg, I can't wait to see him again!" I do enjoy my time with him and am willing to see where it goes.  Updates to follow :)

The Interviewer

I feel the need to share a recent email I've gotten from a guy on the dating site.  Please note that this guy has emailed me before at least twice and I've ignored each email, as I'm not interest. The comments in red are what I would say if I were to bump my head and write back.

Hey,

I"m --------- a recent addition to the Upper East Side Neighborhood which was a dream of mine for years to live in Manhattan but a life long born NYer. I'm from Upstate Poughkeepsie where my family and my best friends still reside and they both mean the world to me.

I am very laid back, outgoing, ambitous, caring, love to laugh at myself and others of course. A typical guy guy who loves his sports, sportcenter but I would like to take advantage of other things that NYC has to offer.


Some questions for you.

Where do you like to travel to? 
Me: I love tropical places and would love to explore Europe more.
Iran. I hear it's beautiful this time of year.

What do you find most attractive in a guy?
Me: In a lady I like a great smile, cute laugh, family values and educated.
His left testicle.
Who would you have as a dinner guests if you can choose anyone? 
Me: Jamie Dimon, George Washington and FDR
You, big boy!


What is something about you that would be surprising? 
Me: I won a spelling bee in the 4th grade
I used to be a man.


Maybe it's mean of me to laugh at his expense.  But, come on...what are you thinking sending this to girls?!? (Especially to one who has already ignored your attempts at Q&A conversation!

The Grown Up Frat Boy

About a month ago, I went out with a guy who I will call "The Grown Up Frat Boy" or "D-Bag" for short.  I met him on the online dating site and we chatted for about a week before meeting up.  He was funny, sweet, smart and cute and I was so looking forward to our first date.  Like the gentleman he purported to be, he offered to come up to my neighborhood (he lived on the opposite side of town and further down) and gave me enough time to go home after work to shower and primp.  So far so good.

We met at a wine bar by my apartment and I'm not exaggerating when I say it was one of the best dates ever!  We were there for four hours and the whole time there wasn't a single pause in conversation.  At one point I had to pee so badly I had to cut him off mid-sentence.  During our fabulous conversation, he told me that he had a friend's charity event coming up and asked if I'd like to go with him....a little odd, I know, but I was so excited I said "ok!" He further told me that he wants to meet a girl and get married within a year of dating and have kids.  I got even more excited and said "go on, I like what I'm hearing!" Of course, I'd later find out that's exactly why he was saying all this nonsense.

He also told me about what he did for a living.  He got laid off from an investment bank and decided to turn his part-time party planning company into a full time venture.  He was doing this and studying for the GMATs so that he could go to business school starting next year. On the first date I was impressed that he started his own successful business.  But, what I should've paid attention to was the fact that his business obligated him to go out to various clubs every night and that he was constantly surrounded by girls who would do almost anything to get into said clubs.  Whatever though, I was having an awesome time with him!

At the end of our four hour date, he told me that he wanted to get drinks the following week and then have a proper dinner date the week after when he was done with his exam.  I was ready to marry the guy.

The next morning as I sat in my dermatologist's office about to get my blood taken so that I could start Accutane in a month (another huge victory!), I decided to text him "Hey, thanks again for last night...I had a lot of fun!"  He never responded.

Seven days went by before I heard from him again.  And, what did he say to me on that seventh day?  "Hey, what's up?"  I figured he probably just sent that as a mass text to a whole bunch of girls, so I decided to play his game too.  He texted me at 1:30 pm so, I waited until 9 pm and replied "not much, you?"  He then called me ten minutes later.  He told me that he'd been really busy studying for the GMATs and that he had just gotten back from his tutor.  He was brushing his teeth and on his way out to meet up with some friends.  He told me that he wanted to see me again and that his test would be done on Tuesday...but, that he would probably go out with his buddies to celebrate.  I said that I actually already had plans on Tuesday, so that wouldn't work anyway.  We debated between Wednesday and Thursday and selected Wednesday because he stated he wanted to see me sooner rather than later.

Wednesday came and by noon I still hadn't heard from him.  So, I texted him, "hey, what's the deal for tonight?"  He replied that he hadn't given it much thought because he went out the night before and got wasted with his friends.  Nice, I thought to myself.  He asked me where I wanted to go and because I was annoyed I chose a bar right by my apartment.  D-Bag then said that he didn't want to come up to the upper east side and asked if we could go somewhere more in the middle.  I should've just cancelled the date because I was so annoyed, but I had really been looking forward to it. So, I suggested a place halfway between us but still on the east side of the city for me.  We agreed to meet there at 8.

It was another really great date.  I was out until 12:45 am with him....and, that's huge because I try to be in bed by 10:30 on weeknights.  We got food and drinks and had some more really great conversations.  This time though, I noticed some things that I probably had overlooked on the first date.  While we were at the bar he noticed his friend was there on a date as well.  He told me that his really cute female friend was in love with that guy and that they all thought that guy liked her as well.  He had to tell his possee right away of what was happening.  He called his other buddy at the table to tell him about how that guy was out with some cute girl, but yeah, female-friend was way cuter.  Neither of them could believe the injustice that was being done to female-friend.  I thought this was all pretty rude.  I couldn't care less about the dating drama within his group of friends.  

Then he told me about how he had been out with his frat brothers one night (recently) and they had all gotten arrested for something, but he luckily had a set of handcuff keys on him so he was able to get them all out and they were able to run away.  Why did he have a set of handcuff keys on him you ask?  For sexual purposes, of course.  He apparently does not leave home unprepared.

Besides his stories, he also asked me a series of questions, such as "do you think I'm attractive?" and "what color underwear are you wearing?" and, my favorite, "I have a 28 year old friend who's a virgin would you want to sleep with him?" This was all towards the end of the night, so luckily it didn't go on for too long before I ultimately said it was late and I had to go.

Another week had gone by and I still hadn't heard from him regarding the next date.  So, I stupidly decided to text him asking when were we going to get together again and telling him that Friday was the only night I was free (this was true).  He told me that he had to see first whether his cousin could get him Knicks tickets for that night and would let me know early on Friday.  Friday came and went, Saturday came and went, Sunday came and went and I had not heard from him.  Monday night he sent me a message on facebook stating "Sorry I've been MIA, it's a long story...want to get drinks tomorrow night?"  I wrote back the next day saying "I can't, I'm busy." He then asked "tomorrow?" I said I had tentative plans and that I'd let him know tomorrow.  Then he suggested Thursday.  I said "if not tomorrow, then maybe Thursday."  He said "ok, ha."  He knew that I was doing exactly what he did and I guess he wanted to be the D-bag winner in this odd power struggle we were in.

Wednesday afternoon I texted him saying "hey, I can't do drinks tonight, but I can do tomorrow night."  He responded "that should work."  I suggested we get dinner and drinks at this place in Murray Hill that I've been wanting to check out and he replied that he already had dinner plans, but that he'd do drinks there because he knows the manager.  I said that if we were doing drinks only I'd rather go up by my apartment because I was going away for the weekend and needed to pack.  I figured if I had to go home first, I might as well pack and then go out for drinks and didn't want to go back downtown, especially for this D-bag.  He, however, insisted we meet somewhere in the middle because his dinner plans were all the way downtown.  About 30 minutes later he texted me that he forgot he had his GMAT tutor on Thursday from 6 to 8 pm, but that he'd be willing to get drinks at 9 (still not offering to come up to my neighborhood even though he didn't have to get up early for work or anything) and that he would like to shower after his tutor.  I said that was a little late for me and that maybe we'd get together another night.  He texted me some meaningless banter after that and that was it.

I'm not sure if I expect to hear from him again or not.  All I know is that nothing good can possibly come from this guy.  It's a shame because we did have a really good time out together.  It also worries me that the next time I have a great date with a guy, I'm going to spend the whole time wondering whether it won't work out again.  I guess I'll just try to keep a open mind and look for characteristics similar those possessed by D-bag.  If I spot them, I will run far, far away.

I have some more dates lined up for the coming week.  I'm hoping they go well...but, if not...stay tuned for more stories.  

The Innovator

Last night I went on a date with a guy for who I had high hopes.  Turns out he was half hipster half lumberjack.  And a tiny one at that.  I feel compelled to write about this experience.

I've been back on the dating service site for about a month and a half now and I met Mr. Lumberjack on said site.  We exchanged a few emails and I liked him because he seemed witty and funny.  He chose a wine bar for us to meet at - he was considerate - he chose something that was convenient for me even though he worked all the way downtown and lived in Brooklyn.  I was already at the bar when he got there and my first impression was "omg, is this tiny guy with a head and face full of hair, really my date?"  He might as well have been wearing a red and black flannel and carrying an ax.  When I got over my initial shock, I told him that the bar was really crowded and suggested we go to another one around the corner.  As we were walking there, I couldn't help but notice that in my heels, I was taller than him.  I'm 5'0" on a good day and about 5'4" in my heels.  So, I'm guessing maybe he was 5'2"?  Awful.

We got to the other bar, which was also really crowded.  There are ten million places to go to in New York City, yet sometimes it's impossible to actually go out.  I dragged us to the other side of the bar because I was carrying two bags as I had just come from work.  At the other end, a nice couple informed us that they were getting up soon.  So, I made us hover over them until they got up and then I pounced on the seats.  Mr. LJ stood by while I secured seating for us.

We sat down and ordered drinks.  Just so you have an idea of our seating set up, I was sitting at the very end between my date and a velvet rope that sectioned off a small changing station for the waiters and bartenders.  Mr. LJ had no concept of personal space, so by the end of night I almost fell over the velvet rope trying to move over and away from him. 

We chatted over our first drink, mainly about our days and what we did at work.  He told me that he used to work at an investment bank and now he works for a credit card company designing phone apps, or something like that.  I honestly couldn't understand anything he was saying.  After we finished our first drink, I wanted to leave, but my date wanted to have another.  He pulled out the drink menu and declared that he was going to have a beer this time.  He politely asked me what I wanted and I stated that I had to get up early for work in the morning and had some work to do when I got home (all lies).  I was hoping he'd get the hint and suggest we part ways.  But, nope - instead he said "well, I'm going to get another."  Not wanting to sit there sober, I ordered a second drink as well.

I asked him some more questions about what he did at work, because I didn't really know what else to talk about with him.  He then pulled out his phone and began to show me all kinds of apps and websites about which I knew nothing.  He summed up his profession by saying he used to enjoy "capital markets," but now he enjoys "innovation" and "innovating things."  Right, I thought to mysel...who doesn't like to innovate things?  He then offered up some career advice - that I leave my current field of law to pursue employment in digital law, as that is "where it is all at now."  I have no idea what digital law is.  But, I didn't ask, because I didn't want to look at any more apps and websites.

He further spoke of indie concerts in Brooklyn in which I had no interest.  When I told him that I had not heard of a specific DJ, he looked at me like I had 3 heards or a huge lumberjack beard.  He also spoke of his love for winter sports.  When he asked if I liked to snowboard, I said no, because I prefer to go away somewhere warm if I have the opportunity to get away.  He snapped back at me "well, you obviously dress warmly when you're doing it."  I said, "right, or I could just go somewhere warm and be warm period."  The conversations may have gone more smoothly had he not cursed every other second or interrupted himself to crack up at his own "jokes."

The real unpleasant part of the evening consisted of his constantly touching me.  I thought it was pretty cold in the bar and at one point I actually began to shiver.  I told him that I was cold and he then decided it was appropriate to put his hands on top of mine which were on my lap.  He replied "really, you don't feel cold."  I literally cringed and backed away.  As politely as possible of course.  Throughout the rest of the night, he kept putting his hands on my shoulder, on my back and on my hands again for some reason.  By this point, I was fuming! Why on earth would you continuously touch someone who is so clearly not enoying it?!?  I got up to go to the bathroom and again nearly fell over the velvet rope.  When I got back, thankfully he had already obtained the bill and paid.  I thanked him for the drinks and began to put my coat on.  He followed my lead and we walked outside.  I had this erie feeling he was going to try to kiss me.  Fortunately, I didn't have to worry about making eye contact with him because standing in front of him, I could see right over his head.  I gave him a hug and said it was nice to meet him. Then I walked away towards the wrong direction and jumped in a cab to go home.

I can appreciate that it's hard for some guys to take girls out and try to impress them.  But, incessant touching and boring/vulgar conversation will not help the cause.  Oh, and don't say you're 5'7" when you're really 5'2", 5'3" tops.  Girls will notice.  And, please no lumberjack beards.  

They're Not All So Bad: The Story of the Good Guy(s)

I feel like it's only fair that I dedicate one post to the positive experiences of dating.  Only one guy comes to mind at the moment.

Last March when I joined the dating site for the first time as a way to distract myself from my recent break up, I actually met someone pretty great (we'll call him "Buff").  His only downfall was that he was wayyyy into exercising and being fit.  I like to go to the gym and do yoga/pilates, but usually just so I can later eat a cheeseburger and cake semi-guilt free.  This guy was training for a triathalon when we met and, as such, worked out more than I could ever be ok with.  At the same time, though, it's probably why he had an amazing body and I had a small pouch where I could have had rock solid abs if I had tried nearly half as hard as he did.

So, Buff and I chatted it up and met for drinks at a wine bar one evening last year.  He was really funny, nice and cute and there was a connection instantly (at least on my end).  We went out to dinner the following week and in between we emailed and texted each other quite frequently, usually just silly banter.  Plans for a third date were soon approaching and I figured we'd go to dinner again or do drinks or something of that casual nature.  So, you can imagine I was a little taken aback when he suggested we cook dinner together at my apartment.  Seeing as how this was the first guy I'd been out with since my four year relationship, I was really nervous about how that would go.  I asked my friends for advice and ended up agreeing to the dinner date at my place. 

In planning to make this evening as smooth as possible, I said I'd go to the supermarket and get some ingredients and he could come over around 6:30 that Sunday evening and we'd make something together.  He kept insisting, however, that we go food shopping together.  At first I thought he wanted to come with me because he was scared I was going to make him eat carbs.  I eased his mind by suggesting that I'd buy proteins and vegetables only.  But, it turned out he just thought it would be more romantic.  However, I didn't like how relationship-y it felt because going food shopping and making dinner together was something I did often with my ex, and I thought a third date was too soon to do that with an almost stranger.  (I would later find out through facebook that he also had just gotten out of a long term relationship and while I was trying to avoid another one too soon, apparently he was looking to get right back into one.  Good thing facebook is there to reveal all.)

The day of our dinner date I went to the supermarket and picked out scallops and string beans, not that I knew what to do with them though.  I figured I'd leave that up to Buff.  Before he came over, I poured myself a giant glass of wine to calm my nerves and arranged the string beans on a baking sheet so that it would look like I knew something about cooking.  When he got to my apartment, he took a look at the ingredients I chose for dinner and he suggested we order a pizza.  Score one for the night.

We ate pizza and drank wine (in addition to my giant jug of wine, he also brought two bottles - score two) on my couch and watched whatever movies were on tv.  By hour four of this, I was pretty drunk and he still had not tried to kiss me.  I was starting to get worried, thinking maybe he didn't want to kiss me or that maybe we'd have to watch a few more movies before he got the courage to make his move.  That was a problem for me because I had to get up early for work the next morning and I'm quite cranky if I don't get sufficient sleep.  Finally around 11 pm, five hours and two bottles of wine later, he kissed me!  He told me that he'd been wanting to do that all night and I said "me too, I was wondering how many more bottles of wine we'd have to drink before you did."  He laughed and we kissed some more.  The kissing progressed a little, but not too much and around 1 am he went back home. 

After that awesome night we emailed each other a few more times and later that week I went to San Francisco to visit a friend for a long weekend.  When I got back from San Fran he was going on a company trip to Mexico.  So, there was no opportunity to see each other for about two weeks.  We said that we'd make plans when he got back from Mexico.

The day he got back I was so excited to talk to him and to see him again.  I emailed him to ask him how his trip was and his reply was a lot shorter and not as banter-filled as all of our previous emails.  I thought maybe I was just overreacting and analyzing our communications too much (I have a tendency to do this).  But, my observation was right.  He barely wrote anything to me that day and most importantly didn't mention anything about wanting to go out again.  I didn't want to seem needy and annoying, so I just left it alone and hoped that he'd call me soon to ask me to hang out.  Two weeks went by and I didn't hear from him at all.  I was racking my brain, re-reading our last emails, trying to figure out what on earth went wrong.  Finally, I had to just accept that this is what dating entailed - you meet a great guy, have a great a bunch of great dates and then never hear from him again.  Wonderful, I thought. 

Buff ended up emailing me the following week to apologize for being MIA and explaining that he had met a girl in Mexico and wanted to see where it could go.  Although I liked him based on our three dates, I wasn't terribly upset.  I appreciated his honesty and wished him luck with his relationship.  Deep down I knew he wasn't the guy for me - my idea of fun would never be camping, running marathons and cycling across the five boroughs.  I enjoyed my time with him and learned from him that there are good guys out there and if there was one, there (hopefully) are bound to be more. 

Everyone's Favorite People: Hipsters and "Artists"

Of the various types of guys I've dated over the last year, I must say (sarcastically) that hipsters and "artists" are among my favorites.  Why do I have artists in quotes, you ask?  Oh, you'll find out.

Last May I went out with a self proclaimed artist who I had met on the dating site I was on.  Again, I was new to this whole dating thing, so I didn't really understand the concept of being selective.  He seemed cute and nice enough, so I thought "eh, how bad can it be?"  It was pretty bad.  The "artist" had chosen a bar for us to drink at on a Sunday afternoon in a really grimey area of city.  I remember thinking, good thing there's still daylight out as I got off the subway and walked towards the bar.  This should've probably been my first clue. 

My date got to the bar a few minutes after I did and when he walked in the first thing I noticed was that he was really skinny and his pants were about ten times too big on him.  He sat down next to me and we began to chat.  I asked him where he had come from and he said that he lived in Queens.  I forget where exactly in Queens, but I do remember him stating that it was not a nice place and quite dangerous actually.  I thought to myself, at least I'll never have to venture out to him.  We chatted a little more and ordered wine.  After the first glass, I was already a little tipsy and that's when he began to tell me about his work as an "artist."  He told me that he was enrolled in an art school and that he was stressed because he had a deadline for a big project looming.  He looked very stressed - his shirt was all wrinkled and his hair was disheveled.  He kept rubbing his forehead and shaking his head.  I asked "what is this project that has you so worked up?"  He explained that he had to paint a giant glass of wine and a lemon.  Now, I'm no artist by any means, but I thought to myself "there must be more to it."  I was on glass number two of wine, so my questioning became more straightforward and less nice.  I asked him why the painting of the glass and lemon was so hard to complete (he claimed to have been working on this project for several months now).  He stated that it was difficult because he worked in a very small studio and he couldn't step back far away enough from the easel to view it properly. Simple solution I thought - why not go paint outside in the park or something...it sounded like something he would've enjoyed.

I then asked him about this art school he attended.  He told me that it was an art school located in Grand Central Station and that it was called Grand Central Art School, or something ridiculous along those lines.  At this, I laughed out loud.  He continued to explain that he was in this "school" for four years now and that you don't really get graded or a degree for that matter.  I asked him what he's been doing for four years then.  He replied that a man had been observing his work and providing constructive criticism throughout his educational years at this supposed Grand Central Art School.  I couldn't help but wonder if some homeless guy in Grand Central Station had been duping this dum-dum for the last four years and taking his money all while pretending to be an art teacher.  I thought my story seemed more credible than his.

By the end of our date, the bartenders were laughing at me and my situation and I guess felt bad enough for me that they had given me a third glass of wine on the house.  That's when I knew it was time to leave.  The bill came and my artist date said that he had trouble seeing it because he had left his glasses at home.  So, I told him what the total was and then a few seconds of silence passed.  Sensing that my aspiring artist was broke, I offered to split the bill, but he said no and that he got it. I began to put my jacket on when he said to me "actually, do you have $10?"  I said "no, I don't" and turned around and left.

More recently, I went out with what turned out to be a hipster from Brooklyn.  He was really cute and seemed nice, so I thought, "hey, why not?"  I told him to let me know when and where he wanted to go and he responded by asking me if I wanted to come to Brooklyn because he knew of a nice bar there that had a fireplace.  I wanted to exclaim, "wow, no one has ever taken me somewhere so nice before!" but, instead I suggested a wine bar in midtown that I enjoy.  Was he out of his mind thinking I was going to go all the way to Brooklyn to meet him for our first date?!

We got to the wine bar and had a really good time.  We drank a lot of wine, got some food, had great conversation and when the bill came he actually paid for it! When we left, he kissed me goodnight and I was quite pleased how things had turned out with the hipster.  As such, I decided to go out on a second date with him.

For our second date, he picked a bar on the lower east side because it was close to Brooklyn and, therefore, convenient for him.  We both worked in midtown, but of course I had to travel all the way downtown so that the princess could have a quicker trip home at the end of the night.  Nevermind that I would have a 45 minute commute back up to my apartment. 

We got to the bar and left soon after because it turned out a company was having its office party there that night.  We were the only two people at the bar that were not part of the company party and we stuck out pretty well.  We left and decided to go to a wine bar around the corner.  There we had some wine and talked some more.  Only this time, I wasn't liking what I was hearing.  He was going on about his love for camping (anyone who knows me knows that I do not camp, nor will I ever want to camp...I think the whole premise of it sounds miserable and awful), about his gross roommates and about how rich people are bad.  He apparently was having a good time though, because he suggested we get two more glasses of wine and food.  I wasn't hungry and didn't want to drink anymore - I just wanted to go home, but I went along with it anyway.  I wish I hadn't though, because when the bill came, he asked me to split it! I just looked at him and contemplated saying something like "no, I don't believe in that", but more than anything I wanted to get out of there, so I handed over my credit card and split the bill with him. 

When we left the bar, he asked me if I wanted to walk with him because the subway for me was along the way.  I told him that it was late and that I was just going to take a cab home.  He felt it necessary to inform that he doesn't take cabs because he feels too guilty doing that, but he understood if I felt that I had to take one.  I thanked him for his understanding and hopped into the first cab that came along. 

Since those dates I have made a conscious effort to steer clear of "artists" (broke) and hipsters (broke and judgmental).  I do not regret this decision.

Mr. Clingy

As promised in an earlier post, here is the story of Mr. Clingy.

I dated Mr. Clingy from October to December of this past year.  He was from New Jersey and, therefore, believed that he didn't need to plan our first date. Annoyed that he couldn't look up some places to go to, I chose the bar next door to my apartment.  Although I did what was super convenient for me, I still didn't want him to know that I lived two feet from the bar.  So, when he texted me that he was there, I told him to go in and get a drink and that I would be there in a few minutes.  I went downstairs and when I stepped out of my apartment I saw that he was standing outside looking down at his blackberry.  I walked really agressively from my building to the building next door so that it looked like I had come from somewhere more than fifteen seconds away.

I had a really good time with him.  We were at the bar for a little over two hours and chatted the whole time.  He was funny and cute and I thought maybe this could go somewhere.  We went out again the following week for dinner and then again the following weekend for another dinner.  And during the weeks in between we chatted frequently while at work.  It was nice. 

After our third date, he came over my place and we had some more wine and flipped through the tv channels pretending to find something to watch.  We obviously hooked up (do people still say that?) and that ended even more poorly than my night with the Angry Giggler.  Long story short, I had to get to the pharmacy as soon as it opened the next morning to pick up a little something called Plan B.  I wanted to go alone as I never had to do this before I felt really awkward.  But he kept insisting that he come with me.  At the pharmacy he offered to pay and I said, "really, it's fine, you paid for dinner."  But, he was a gentleman so, he paid for that too.

After that incident I felt slightly uncomfortable with him, but agreed to go out with him anyway the following weekend.  That Saturday I had a volunteering obligation, but after we went to see a Broadway show and then to get dinner.  During that time, I began to notice things about him that I hadn't noticed the other times - like, his incessant questioning of EVERYTHING (i.e.: Why are all the cabs full?  Why is there a puddle on the ground?  Is it going to rain? Why aren't you talking as much as I am?)  I became really irritated. 

For dinner that night, we went to a Mexican place by my apartment, but I was so tired from my long day that I had one sangria, some guacamole and was ready to go home (it was approximately 7:30 p.m.).  We went back to my place, I put on my pjs and no joke, passed out at 8 p.m.  Mr. C decided to sleep over despite my falling asleep at an hour earlier than when most children go to bed.  When I woke up the next morning I really just wanted him to leave my apartment, but he kept talking and asking me to reassure him that I had fun the day before and that I still liked him.  I didn't really know what to say, so I said "yeah, I guess i'm just not feeling well."  He still didn't leave.  Instead, he asked me a million more questions about what was wrong, about how I felt, about whether or not I wanted him to leave.  I finally said that it was probably better he go home. 

I didn't know what was wrong with me - I had this great guy who was super sweet and considerate, but I didn't like him anymore because I thought he was too annoying.  I called my roommate (she was visiting her boyfriend) and she assured me that there was nothing wrong with me and that sometimes you're just not into someone.

The next week Mr. Clingy messaged me continuously on Gchat and kept asking me when we were going to hang out again.  I didn't know how to say  to him that I didn't want to see him anymore, so I agreed to go out to dinner with him one weeknight that week.  It ended up raining very heavily that night so, I told him not to drive in and that we would reschedule.  But, he was fighting me on it! He kept insisting that he could probably drive in safely and that he didn't want to reschedule because what if I got too busy to see him again (btw, he claimed to have worked in "finance," but for someone who works in finance, he was never ever busy.  Like, he worked legit 9 to 5 and had time to message me all day on Gchat to tell me about what he ate for lunch, what he was eating for a snack, what he watched on tv the night before, what he was going to eat for dinner, etc).  I eventually put an end to the conversation and told him that it wasn't worth him driving in for an hour or two in the horrible conditions.  He had no choice but to accept this and yet he thanked me for being so understanding! I was the one telling him not to come into the city!! 

The next day, he messaged me as soon as I got into work and thanked me again for being so understanding about his inability to come in for dinner the night before.  Again, I reminded him that it was I who told him not to come in.  He asked me what I had done instead the night before - this was another thing he did, he always wanted to know what I was doing and who I was doing it with.  I told him that I went to the gym and then ordered dinner.  He apologized for what he perceived to be my crappy night and told me that we would've had more fun at dinner, but he wasn't sure if that made me feel better or worse.  I thought to myself, what are you talking about, I had a perfectly fine night. 

When he asked me to hang out another Saturday night, I told him that I plans with some girlfriends (not a lie) and that I had no idea when I'd be home.  I suggested we go to brunch instead the following day.  But, that was not sufficient.  He instead offered to drive in when I was done going out with my friends.  I was so turned off by that because he seemed so desperate.  I told him I'd text him when we got to the bar and we'd see then.  By the time I got to the bar it was already 12:30 a.m. and he had texted me again saying "what happened to keeping me posted?"  I couldn't deal with it, so I said I'd be home in an hour.  He drove in at 2 a.m. and all I wanted to do was go to sleep.

Oh, we did go to brunch the next day, and guess who was sitting next to us at the fairly empty restaurant.  "Bob"! I knew he saw me, but the two of us acted like we didn't know that the other was there.  I exclaimed, "I have got to tell my boss about this!"

Anyway, back to my story.  At brunch and during a few other times, Mr. Clingy and I discussed our jobs.  I consider myself a pretty ambitious person and have plans to be successful in my career.  It bothered me a lot that Mr. Clingy was never busy at work, that he worked shorter hours than I did and that he had no concrete plans for furthering his career in "finance."  He claimed that he was going to apply to grad school someday and I would think to myself, "When?  When you have a wife and kids so that she can support you?"  Then I began to imagine my life with him - me coming home late from work, him already home for five hours watching tv with the dog, asking me what's for dinner.  I had to stop, I was getting scared.

Still unable to completely blow him off, however, I agreed to go to dinner with him one more time.  We went out on a Tuesday night and I forewarned him that I had to be up early the next morning and that I would be going home and to bed after dinner.  He pretended to be fine with that.  At dinner he had one too many margaritas and conveniently couldn't drive home.  So, he came back to my apartment with me, sat on my couch and watched tv while I went to go shower and get ready for bed.  When I got out of the shower, he was in my bed wide awake.  I asked him if he was sober yet and he said no.  Great.   I got into my bed and asked him to move over.  He stayed for about an hour asking me if I was alright, if I had fun, and many other questions that I wasn't listening to.  Finally, he said he was able to drive home and left.

The next day and many days after that he would message me on Gchat the second I signed on.  And the usual questions were asked.  What are you doing tonight? When will we hang out again?  Are you sure you like me? Everyone kept telling me that I had to tell him that we shouldn't see each other anymore, but I felt so bad doing that.  Instead I made up ridiculous excuses about why I couldn't see him.  Like, I had to go to yoga because I hadn't been in so long, I had to baby sit, etc.  You would think that one would get the hint at this point.  But, he didn't.  He asked me again if I was sure that I liked him.  I told him that I was going to be very busy for the foreseeable future and I'd get back to him when my schedule opened up.

Maybe I was too mean and too much of a baby for not just being honest with him.  But, how did he not get all the hints?!? Can you imagine if the roles were reversed and I acted as clingy as he did? I would totally be that crazy stalker girl that guys would run away from.  As nice as he was, there was no way I could continue to see him.  It's funny though, I went from the semi-retarded man child who wouldn't contact me for two weeks at a time to Mr. Clingy who wouldn't stop contacting me.  Hopefully there'll be a happy medium one day.

Dating a Guy to Spite your Boss: The Role of Religion in My Dating Life

Back in September I went out with a guy (let's call him "Bob").  He was an investment banker, nice, cute and a little dorky and had a really high pitched voice.  We revealed all the typical information people reveal on a first date and that's when I learned that he came from a very religious (Jewish) family who resided in a very religious neighborhood.  The same neighborhood in which my boss lives, actually.  Not really making anything of the situation, I enjoyed our date, but wasn't super into him.  After two glasses of wine I said that I should get going.  He offered to walk me home because he was a gentleman, not a creeper.  I declined his offer, but agreed to walk with him halfway (since I knew he had to go in the opposite direction at that point anyway).  It was there, by the second aveneue construction site, that my short, high pitched, religious date tried to kiss me.  Shocked by his brazenness, I went along with it for about three seconds and then darted out of there. 

The next day when I got to work, I told "Chelsea" about my date the night before and about how his family lives in the same town as Boss Man.  Chelsea instantly stated "Oh, well then he knows the family."  I said, just because they're religious and live in the same town, doesn't mean they all know each other.  So, we did what any employee at a normal firm would do, we paged Boss Man and asked if he knew the ---------- Family.  Boss Man's response: "Yeah, I pray with his father." 

Chelsea then proceeded to tell our boss about how I went on a date with "Bob" and about how "Bob" tried to kiss me and that he had asked me out again.  My boss is a very nice man so he didn't want to say out loud what his facial expressions were clearly stating - he was mortified that the son of this strict family was running amok dating gentiles in the City.  My boss gave me a look like "you need to put the kabosh on this ASAP."  So being the good employee that I am, I agreed to go out with Bob again.

We actually went out two more times and I tried to figure out if he liked me or if he was secretly planning some grand rebellion against his religious family and needed me for it.  I asked him if his parents mind that he's not as religious as they are and he said that they didn't really mind as long as he didn't "flaunt it in front of them."  I began to wonder then, how would he ever introduce me to them?  Would he invite me to Shabbat dinner at his parents' house and hope that I wouldn't tell them that I am a gentile?  Would he be worried that I would act totally obnoxious and show up wearing a giant cross like rappers wear or that I would insist that we say grace before eating?  Or that I would ask for a side of dairy product with my meat?  Would my boss be there?  Would he be really angry with me for not listening? There were way too many concerns. 

I wasn't even all that into Bob, but I went out with those two other times because he was nice and it made for great conversation with Chelsea and my boss.  After the third date though, I made up a lie that I was going to be really busy in the coming weeks.  I think he got the hint because he didn't contact me too much after that.  Sometimes when I'm talking to my boss about a case of mine, I ask him how "Bob's" family is doing and remind him about how funny it was that I went out three times with "Bob."  My boss laughs, but deep down I know he is happy and proud of me for not causing problems in his community. 

The Angry Giggler

Have you ever seen that episode of Sex & The City where Charlotte is dating that guy who curses at her everytime they're in bed together?  Well, then you probably know where I'm going with this one.

Last May I went out with a really attractive investment banker.  I wasn't super into him, but he really was so good looking.  We had a decent time on our first date at a hotel bar, so I decided to go out with him again.  We made plans for a Friday night during a week where I had a house guest at my apartment.  I made sure to throw her out before our date because I had a strong feeling I was bringing this guy back with me.

With my house guest gone, I got all done up and met him downtown for a drink and then we got dinner at a really good Mexican place on the lower east side.  After several margaritas and a little bit of food, I was ready to get out of there.  I didn't know how to invite him back to my apartment as I had never done it before.  So, I suggested we drink more at a bar by my apartment.  When we got to the next bar, we didn't even get through one drink when I pulled the old college "want to go back to my place and watch a movie?"  I was so awful at this.  But, it had worked.

We got back to my apartment and pretended to look for a movie to watch when he finally made his move.  One thing led to another and then completely out of nowhere, he started cursing up a storm!   All of a sudden he was shouting out these vulgar one liners at me.  I was so taken aback, I didn't know what to think.  I was like, why are you so angry??  And then after he was done (and, therefore, done cursing) he started giggling and rolling back and forth like a small child! I was like, now you're laughing?  What is happening here?!?  Is he going to sleep here too?? Because I would kind of like for him to leave now.  He fell asleep shortly after his erratic mood swing episode.  And I stayed awake in a state of shock. 

The next morning, wondering if the previous night was just the product of too much drinking, I decided to give it another shot.  We did our thing and just like the night before, he started with the cursing and transitioned into child's laughter.  This was so ridiculously weird.  After that, I got out of bed and hinted that he leave (i.e.: "So, you should probably get going.") After he left, I sat on my couch and pondered why this good looking, successful guy in his early thirties cursed like a crazy person and then giggled like an even crazier person in bed.  I don't know if this is normal or not, or if there are people out there who are into this, but I know that this is not for me.  No more angry gigglers please.

Is This Really What's Out There?

A few months after my ex and I broke up, I met a guy (the semi-retarded man child from first introduction post) at a law class I had to take.  It was a weekend class - all day Saturday and all day Sunday.  I knew there was potential when on that Sunday during our lunch break we went for brunch and shared a pitcher of Sangria.

It was the first time in a long time that I was so excited to have met someone.  He was cute and smart and funny.  I thought he was so smooth based on how he asked me for my number - he asked if I knew of any good restaurants on the upper east side (where I live) and when I showed him on my phone, one of my favorite Turkish restaurants by me, he took a look and said "so, when are we going?"  I would later find out that his other personalities were not nearly as smooth.

Our first date was at the Turkish restaurant that I liked.  It was a beautiful night out, we shared a bottle of wine, had good food and talked the whole time.  And then at the end of dinner when the bill came, he reached for his wallet and me, being a little buzzed and a little stupid, offered to split it with him.  He accepted my offer without hesitation and that really annoyed me. 

He then offered to walk me home and I thought to myself "oh, now he wants to be a gentelman?"  Well, he had no intention of being a gentleman, he was simply hoping to come upstairs with me.  He kissed me when we got to my building.  And, not like a normal first date kiss.  More like one where I thought I was going to have to hose him down in the street.

Two weeks went by before I heard from him again.  He texted me to ask if I wanted to hang out.  Knowing better than to go out to dinner with him again, I told him to come over my apartment at 8 pm. After all, I did think he was cute and I thought if nothing else, I could keep this guy around to come over once in a while...

Basically we kept that up for a few weeks and then one day he texted me to hang out again.  I told him to come over and he asked if I wanted to get dinner before.  I was surprised by this and even more surprised when he asked if he could cook me dinner.  Skeptically, I said yes.  Later that evening, I went to his apartment and had a pretty good time actually.  Until the end of the night when I assumed I'd be sleeping over, and he instead kicked me out of his apartment.  I told him he was awful and that, yes, I would go to the movies with him and his friends that Friday night.  I know, I know - more stupidity on my part.

Basically it remained like that over the next few months.  We began to see each other more and more.  Going on legitimate dates, talking on a regular basis and enjoying each other's company.  But, then inevitably he would bring up how he didn't want to be in a relationship.  Every date ended with that conversation.  One night we went to his friend's art show and back to my apartment where I cooked him dinner and I was so happy that it had been such a nice night.  Until he ruined it by fighting with me about how he didn't want a girlfriend.  Another night, he had invited me to dinner with his two married couple friends.  I thought to myself, surely you don't bring any random person to a tripple date dinner.  But, apparently this guy did.  At the end of those two nights and every other date night, I assured him that I didn't want to be in a relationship with him either as he was a little crazy and I couldn't deal with that.  The problem was, we were kind of in a relationship and I liked him more than I let on. 

Then there were the times when he'd blow up at me at of nowhere.  For example, one Saturday morning we woke up at his apartment, went to breakfast, came back and laid in bed reading.  I had to get going, so I got up to brush my teeth and as I was getting ready in his living room, he went into the bathroom and began yelling at me about how I squeezed the toothpaste incorrectly.  I froze and stared at him with a confused look on my face.  I asked, "how am I supposed to squeeze it?"  He explained that you squeeze it from the bottom, not the top.  I asked why and he threw his hands up in the air and exclaimed in disbelief "why?! she asks me!" I was like, OMG, is this fight actually taking place right now??  It was.

I knew he wasn't good for me, but I couldn't end it.  I would still get excited every time he called me and kept thinking that eventually he'd realize that we were basically in a relationship and it wasn't so bad.  But, that never happened.  Instead, one night when we were supposed to hang out, I texted him that I didn't want to go out too late, but that he was welcome to come over after he got of the lecture he was attending that evening.  He never responded and I never saw him again. 

I'd like to think that my five month ordeal with him provided me with some kind of grand learning experience.  When I figure out what that is, I'll be sure to blog about it.

Why is my Date Always in the Bathroom?

On more than one occassion I've had to act like it was totally normal that I was drinking or eating alone while my date was in the bathroom dealing with stomach issues.  Now, I understand that sometimes you just feel ill. But, I've now been out with three different guys who have spent more time on the toilet than with me.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I swear by the medicinal trifecta of Gingerale, Pepto and Tums.  Maybe I should start bringing these products for my dates.

One day last spring, my friend from work (let's call her "Chelsea") and I went to grab some lunch.  I was waiting on the line at Mendy's picking up a sandwhich for my co-worker when I was approached by a guy.  I was flattered that he had hit on me and was impressed that he just started talking to me out of nowhere.  He asked me for my number and at 10 p.m. that night he texted me to see if I wanted to come out and meet him at the bar he was at. I politely suggested we do brunch that Sunday instead.  Like all other guys who ask me out, he expected me to make the plans.  I made a reservation at one of my favorite brunch places in midtown.  When I got there, I told the hostess my name and reservation time and she informed that they had accidently given my reservation away to someone else.  I was really annoyed and asked how that could've happened (I've been known to overreact a bit at times.  And, by "a bit" I mean, today my friends at work (Chelsea and "Hailey" had to have an intervention with about my anger and the fact that I'm not approachable because I always have a scowl on my face.).  So, anyway, the hostess called the owner over and he informed us that they had not given away my reservation, but rather my date had gotten there before I did.  I apologized and said, "oh, where is he?"  The owner replied, "he's in the bathroom...he's been in there for a while."  I stepped to the side and played on my phone for another five minutes or so until I saw my guy come out of the restroom.  I then put my phone away and pretended to have just walked in so that he wouldn't be embarrased.  After the date was over, we were heading in two separate directions, but he insisted on walking me to the subway and then tried to hold my hand.  I pretended to be really cold (it was a blistering 50 degrees out) and fumbled with my jacket buttons because I didn't know how else to avoid the first date - hand hold.  He wasn't getting it though.  He tried to get my hand out of my pocket, so I exclaimed that I had totally forgotten that I actually had to go somewhere else...thanked him for brunch...and walked away as fast as my little legs could carry me.

Remember the 30 year old guy from Hoboken who had the super secret joke with his mother (see "Mommy and Me" post)?  He had texted me that he had arrived at the wine bar he I chose for our date.  So, I walked over from my apartment (which was across the street), but didn't see him there.  I texted him back, "I'm here, where are you?"  His response?? Yup, you guessed it! In the bathroom! This time, I sat at a little table and ordered a glass of wine while I waited for him to finish up his business.

For about two months I was seeing a guy from New Jersey, we'll call him Mr. Clingy.  (More on Mr. Clingy to come).  One Tuesday night we went to dinner at one of my favorite sushi places in my neighborhood.  When he got there, he mentioned that he wasn't feeling well.  I told him we could just go hang out at my apartment and relax as he looked like he was in pain.  He insisted that we sit down and eat.  So, we both ordered and were talking and having wine.  When the food came, he took two bites and ran to the bathroom.  He was in there for a good 15 minutes.  I continued to eat and texted my roommate to chat.  When he came out he apologized and said that he had been on the phone with his sister.  Right.  I got the check and told him we were going back to my apartment because he did not look well at all.  When we got out of the cab, I ran into the store by my apartment to buy him some gingerale and then made him drink it.  He thanked me for taking care of him and I thought to myself, no problem, you'd be surprised how often this happens.  To me at least.

Mommy and Me

Another recurring theme amongst the guys I've dated is a supreme bond/unhealthy tie between mother and son.

The first time I was on the dating site, I stayed on for two months.  Towards the end of that period, I decided to give this guy from Brooklyn a shot.  We met at a wine bar in Midtown on a Friday night and I was hopeful.  He told me about how he had come from a work bbq - he worked at Google and was in the process of interviewing with Yahoo.  I can't tell you what he did, but I remember thinking "at least this one is ambitious and makes good money."  He then asked all the typical questions - where do you live, where are you from, do you have any siblings.  All pretty standard so far.  After I told him that I had two siblings, I said "what about you?"  He told me that he was an only child because his mother had a complicated delivery with him and had to have her uterus removed shortly after giving birth to him.  He shook his head and looked at me with sad eyes while he explained this unfortunate turn of events.  I didn't know what to say, so I blurted out, "aww, i'm sure she still loves you though."  Who shares that kind of information on a first date?!? What does the recipient of such information say to that?! 

Another night, I went out with a guy from Hoboken.  He was a winner who cpuldn't be bothered to choose a date spot, so he decided to let me choose the bar.  So, I picked the wine bar across the street from my apartment.  He drove in from Jersey, found parking and I walked out of my apartment and across the street to meet him.  We ordered wine and engaged in meaningless conversation (mostly about how he was annoyed that he had to drive so far out of his way to get to the bar I chose) and shortly thereafter, he chuckled at something.  I asked "what's so funny?" He replied "oh, just an inside joke I have with my mother."  I smiled and nodded my head and thought "that's healthy for a thirty year old man."  I was just glad that my trip home entailed crossing the street.

Then, the other night I went out with a thirty-one year old man who worked at an investment bank.  It turned out we lived in the same neighborhood so we met up at a local bar.  I walked there from my apartment and he drove his vespa.  Yes, a vespa.  I guess he was on a "I feel wordly kick" because he drove said motorized scooter, so he began to tell me about his fourteen year old sister (who, as he informed me, was an "accident") and about how one of the most rewarding experiences was being able to watch her grow up in today's world.  A world, which he describes as being rife with "poor macroeconomic factors."  I tried to furtively glance at my watch to see if it was almost time to go home, but Vespa boy proceeded to tell me more about his family and how they were "goal oriented people" and, therefore, felt he terribly for his younger brother in law school who didn't have a job lined up for after graduation and his poor parents who had to deal with all of this.  Again, I didn't really know what to say.  I assured him that his parents did a good job of raising him and his siblings and that everything would work out in the end.  Meanwhile, I was preoccupied thinking of polite ways to say no if he asked to give me a ride home on his vespa. At some point in our sixty minute long date, I began to tire of his arrogance and his usage of big words of which he probably didn't know the meanings.  I started to get snippy.  He told me "you have an attitude - I like it!"  Cleary, he didn't realize that I was trying to repel him.  Finally, I made up an excuse of having an early meeting at work the next morning and, thus, had to get home (it was approximately 9:30 p.m.). 

I think it's great when a man is close with his mother.  I know that if he treats her well, chances are he'll treat me well too.  But, seriously, between Toucan Sam getting home-made costumes from his mommy, Brooklynite's guilt over having destroyed his mother's uterus and Hoboken's mother-son chuckle, a line needs to be drawn at some point.  Or, at least wait until the second date to reveal this unique bond between mommy and big man-baby.

He's So Far in the Closet, He's in Narnia*

After my ex left me, I knew I had to get out there and go on some dates.  I wasn't looking for my next serious relationship, but rather for a distraction and a reminder that there were other guys out there.  I use the term "guys" loosely.

With the help of my good friend, I created a profile on an online dating site and the adventures began.  My first date was with a short red-headed guy (we'll call him "Gingerman").  He asked if I wanted to get drinks one Saturday night and I said sure.  He then asked me where we should go.  Impressed by his manly-take charge kind of attitude, I chose a lounge that was roughly half way between us and that I had been to before and liked. 

I got to the lounge and he went to the wrong bar.  Luckily it was just next door, so he arrived shortly after I did.  I was pretty nervous as this was my first first-date in over four years.  I felt slightly more at ease though when I saw his red locks and his funny argyle vest.  He asked me what I wanted to drink  and I said I was debating between some choices.  In an effort to help me decide, he asked "have you ever had a real sex on the beach?"  That's when I knew something was up with Gingerman. 

He ordered a colorful martini and I ordered something a bit more respectable for myself and he then said to me: "I like your jacket, is it from Banana Republic?"  My response: "Umm, yes, I bought it there like, two years ago."  How and why he remembered the women's inventory from Banana from two years ago puzzled me greatly. 

While he spoke continuously about how smart he was, how we went to the greatest schools, how he's a lawyer at a huge firm and makes a ton of money (yet stays at hostels and strangers' apartments when he travels abroad), etc etc, I realized it was possible that my charming Gingerman was probably more into dudes than he was into me. 

I'd like to say that that was a one time occurrence and that a similar situation did not arise on another date.  But, it did.

The following week I went out with a guy who looked cute and seemed funny.  We'll call this guy Toucan Sam, for reasons I will get to.  We met at a wine bar near my apartment - one that he had picked (hooray!). We sat down and as soon as he spoke, I thought "oh no, not again."  As if his manuerisms weren't indication enough that he would've preferred to be sipping vino with a fellow male rather than with me, his stories confirmed my suspicions.

I asked him where in the city he lived and he stated that he loves living in the west village with his actress roommate. I thought to myself, "obviously." Then he told me about some of his favorite activites, one of which was salsa dancing on the Highline every Thursday.  Then, and this is the real kicker folks, he told me about how he dresses up every Halloween (he was 28 btw) and that thankfully his mother still sews his Halloween costumes for him.  I guess my look of severe shock led him to believe I wanted him to go on.  So, he told me that the previous Halloween, his mom had sewn him a Toucan Sam costume.  My response, "So you went out as Toucan Sam?  The fruit loops bird?"  TS: "Yeah, my mom did such a good job on the costume!"

I quickly met the waitress' gaze and signaled for the check.  I told him that I had some finished painted pottery to go pick up before the paint-your-own pottery place closed (this was actually true...thank God I had procrastinated picking up the pottery).  When the check came, he did not appear to be reaching for his wallet.  Being new to the whole dating thing and desperate to get out of there, I reached for my wallet.  The rest was kind of a blur, but basically I ended up paying for him as he put down a minimal amount and I put down a 20.  The whole date lasted 45 minutes.  And, sadly I will never get those 45 minutes back.

*The title of this post is a quote from someone, but I'm not sure who.  It's been passed along from my roommate, who heard it from her boyfriend.  That's all I got.