Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Is This Really What's Out There?

A few months after my ex and I broke up, I met a guy (the semi-retarded man child from first introduction post) at a law class I had to take.  It was a weekend class - all day Saturday and all day Sunday.  I knew there was potential when on that Sunday during our lunch break we went for brunch and shared a pitcher of Sangria.

It was the first time in a long time that I was so excited to have met someone.  He was cute and smart and funny.  I thought he was so smooth based on how he asked me for my number - he asked if I knew of any good restaurants on the upper east side (where I live) and when I showed him on my phone, one of my favorite Turkish restaurants by me, he took a look and said "so, when are we going?"  I would later find out that his other personalities were not nearly as smooth.

Our first date was at the Turkish restaurant that I liked.  It was a beautiful night out, we shared a bottle of wine, had good food and talked the whole time.  And then at the end of dinner when the bill came, he reached for his wallet and me, being a little buzzed and a little stupid, offered to split it with him.  He accepted my offer without hesitation and that really annoyed me. 

He then offered to walk me home and I thought to myself "oh, now he wants to be a gentelman?"  Well, he had no intention of being a gentleman, he was simply hoping to come upstairs with me.  He kissed me when we got to my building.  And, not like a normal first date kiss.  More like one where I thought I was going to have to hose him down in the street.

Two weeks went by before I heard from him again.  He texted me to ask if I wanted to hang out.  Knowing better than to go out to dinner with him again, I told him to come over my apartment at 8 pm. After all, I did think he was cute and I thought if nothing else, I could keep this guy around to come over once in a while...

Basically we kept that up for a few weeks and then one day he texted me to hang out again.  I told him to come over and he asked if I wanted to get dinner before.  I was surprised by this and even more surprised when he asked if he could cook me dinner.  Skeptically, I said yes.  Later that evening, I went to his apartment and had a pretty good time actually.  Until the end of the night when I assumed I'd be sleeping over, and he instead kicked me out of his apartment.  I told him he was awful and that, yes, I would go to the movies with him and his friends that Friday night.  I know, I know - more stupidity on my part.

Basically it remained like that over the next few months.  We began to see each other more and more.  Going on legitimate dates, talking on a regular basis and enjoying each other's company.  But, then inevitably he would bring up how he didn't want to be in a relationship.  Every date ended with that conversation.  One night we went to his friend's art show and back to my apartment where I cooked him dinner and I was so happy that it had been such a nice night.  Until he ruined it by fighting with me about how he didn't want a girlfriend.  Another night, he had invited me to dinner with his two married couple friends.  I thought to myself, surely you don't bring any random person to a tripple date dinner.  But, apparently this guy did.  At the end of those two nights and every other date night, I assured him that I didn't want to be in a relationship with him either as he was a little crazy and I couldn't deal with that.  The problem was, we were kind of in a relationship and I liked him more than I let on. 

Then there were the times when he'd blow up at me at of nowhere.  For example, one Saturday morning we woke up at his apartment, went to breakfast, came back and laid in bed reading.  I had to get going, so I got up to brush my teeth and as I was getting ready in his living room, he went into the bathroom and began yelling at me about how I squeezed the toothpaste incorrectly.  I froze and stared at him with a confused look on my face.  I asked, "how am I supposed to squeeze it?"  He explained that you squeeze it from the bottom, not the top.  I asked why and he threw his hands up in the air and exclaimed in disbelief "why?! she asks me!" I was like, OMG, is this fight actually taking place right now??  It was.

I knew he wasn't good for me, but I couldn't end it.  I would still get excited every time he called me and kept thinking that eventually he'd realize that we were basically in a relationship and it wasn't so bad.  But, that never happened.  Instead, one night when we were supposed to hang out, I texted him that I didn't want to go out too late, but that he was welcome to come over after he got of the lecture he was attending that evening.  He never responded and I never saw him again. 

I'd like to think that my five month ordeal with him provided me with some kind of grand learning experience.  When I figure out what that is, I'll be sure to blog about it.


  1. The last "problem" is easily solved with his and hers toothpaste tubes. I'm a bottom squeezer myself.

  2. Still though, not a reason to freak out and yell at someone. I left out that this guy had ADHD and would quite frequently blow up at me for what seemed like no reason. The toothpaste incident was one of those "no reasons." Since then, however, I've made a conscious effort to properly handle other's toiletry products. Maybe that was the learning experience.