Thursday, January 19, 2012

Mommy and Me

Another recurring theme amongst the guys I've dated is a supreme bond/unhealthy tie between mother and son.

The first time I was on the dating site, I stayed on for two months.  Towards the end of that period, I decided to give this guy from Brooklyn a shot.  We met at a wine bar in Midtown on a Friday night and I was hopeful.  He told me about how he had come from a work bbq - he worked at Google and was in the process of interviewing with Yahoo.  I can't tell you what he did, but I remember thinking "at least this one is ambitious and makes good money."  He then asked all the typical questions - where do you live, where are you from, do you have any siblings.  All pretty standard so far.  After I told him that I had two siblings, I said "what about you?"  He told me that he was an only child because his mother had a complicated delivery with him and had to have her uterus removed shortly after giving birth to him.  He shook his head and looked at me with sad eyes while he explained this unfortunate turn of events.  I didn't know what to say, so I blurted out, "aww, i'm sure she still loves you though."  Who shares that kind of information on a first date?!? What does the recipient of such information say to that?! 

Another night, I went out with a guy from Hoboken.  He was a winner who cpuldn't be bothered to choose a date spot, so he decided to let me choose the bar.  So, I picked the wine bar across the street from my apartment.  He drove in from Jersey, found parking and I walked out of my apartment and across the street to meet him.  We ordered wine and engaged in meaningless conversation (mostly about how he was annoyed that he had to drive so far out of his way to get to the bar I chose) and shortly thereafter, he chuckled at something.  I asked "what's so funny?" He replied "oh, just an inside joke I have with my mother."  I smiled and nodded my head and thought "that's healthy for a thirty year old man."  I was just glad that my trip home entailed crossing the street.

Then, the other night I went out with a thirty-one year old man who worked at an investment bank.  It turned out we lived in the same neighborhood so we met up at a local bar.  I walked there from my apartment and he drove his vespa.  Yes, a vespa.  I guess he was on a "I feel wordly kick" because he drove said motorized scooter, so he began to tell me about his fourteen year old sister (who, as he informed me, was an "accident") and about how one of the most rewarding experiences was being able to watch her grow up in today's world.  A world, which he describes as being rife with "poor macroeconomic factors."  I tried to furtively glance at my watch to see if it was almost time to go home, but Vespa boy proceeded to tell me more about his family and how they were "goal oriented people" and, therefore, felt he terribly for his younger brother in law school who didn't have a job lined up for after graduation and his poor parents who had to deal with all of this.  Again, I didn't really know what to say.  I assured him that his parents did a good job of raising him and his siblings and that everything would work out in the end.  Meanwhile, I was preoccupied thinking of polite ways to say no if he asked to give me a ride home on his vespa. At some point in our sixty minute long date, I began to tire of his arrogance and his usage of big words of which he probably didn't know the meanings.  I started to get snippy.  He told me "you have an attitude - I like it!"  Cleary, he didn't realize that I was trying to repel him.  Finally, I made up an excuse of having an early meeting at work the next morning and, thus, had to get home (it was approximately 9:30 p.m.). 

I think it's great when a man is close with his mother.  I know that if he treats her well, chances are he'll treat me well too.  But, seriously, between Toucan Sam getting home-made costumes from his mommy, Brooklynite's guilt over having destroyed his mother's uterus and Hoboken's mother-son chuckle, a line needs to be drawn at some point.  Or, at least wait until the second date to reveal this unique bond between mommy and big man-baby.

1 comment:

  1. You are a great writer! I love your nicknames for these guys! Maybe you are someone that people feel as though they can share the problems of their life with and it just kinda spills out... very odd behavior for a first date.