Saturday, February 11, 2012

They're Not All So Bad: The Story of the Good Guy(s)

I feel like it's only fair that I dedicate one post to the positive experiences of dating.  Only one guy comes to mind at the moment.

Last March when I joined the dating site for the first time as a way to distract myself from my recent break up, I actually met someone pretty great (we'll call him "Buff").  His only downfall was that he was wayyyy into exercising and being fit.  I like to go to the gym and do yoga/pilates, but usually just so I can later eat a cheeseburger and cake semi-guilt free.  This guy was training for a triathalon when we met and, as such, worked out more than I could ever be ok with.  At the same time, though, it's probably why he had an amazing body and I had a small pouch where I could have had rock solid abs if I had tried nearly half as hard as he did.

So, Buff and I chatted it up and met for drinks at a wine bar one evening last year.  He was really funny, nice and cute and there was a connection instantly (at least on my end).  We went out to dinner the following week and in between we emailed and texted each other quite frequently, usually just silly banter.  Plans for a third date were soon approaching and I figured we'd go to dinner again or do drinks or something of that casual nature.  So, you can imagine I was a little taken aback when he suggested we cook dinner together at my apartment.  Seeing as how this was the first guy I'd been out with since my four year relationship, I was really nervous about how that would go.  I asked my friends for advice and ended up agreeing to the dinner date at my place. 

In planning to make this evening as smooth as possible, I said I'd go to the supermarket and get some ingredients and he could come over around 6:30 that Sunday evening and we'd make something together.  He kept insisting, however, that we go food shopping together.  At first I thought he wanted to come with me because he was scared I was going to make him eat carbs.  I eased his mind by suggesting that I'd buy proteins and vegetables only.  But, it turned out he just thought it would be more romantic.  However, I didn't like how relationship-y it felt because going food shopping and making dinner together was something I did often with my ex, and I thought a third date was too soon to do that with an almost stranger.  (I would later find out through facebook that he also had just gotten out of a long term relationship and while I was trying to avoid another one too soon, apparently he was looking to get right back into one.  Good thing facebook is there to reveal all.)

The day of our dinner date I went to the supermarket and picked out scallops and string beans, not that I knew what to do with them though.  I figured I'd leave that up to Buff.  Before he came over, I poured myself a giant glass of wine to calm my nerves and arranged the string beans on a baking sheet so that it would look like I knew something about cooking.  When he got to my apartment, he took a look at the ingredients I chose for dinner and he suggested we order a pizza.  Score one for the night.

We ate pizza and drank wine (in addition to my giant jug of wine, he also brought two bottles - score two) on my couch and watched whatever movies were on tv.  By hour four of this, I was pretty drunk and he still had not tried to kiss me.  I was starting to get worried, thinking maybe he didn't want to kiss me or that maybe we'd have to watch a few more movies before he got the courage to make his move.  That was a problem for me because I had to get up early for work the next morning and I'm quite cranky if I don't get sufficient sleep.  Finally around 11 pm, five hours and two bottles of wine later, he kissed me!  He told me that he'd been wanting to do that all night and I said "me too, I was wondering how many more bottles of wine we'd have to drink before you did."  He laughed and we kissed some more.  The kissing progressed a little, but not too much and around 1 am he went back home. 

After that awesome night we emailed each other a few more times and later that week I went to San Francisco to visit a friend for a long weekend.  When I got back from San Fran he was going on a company trip to Mexico.  So, there was no opportunity to see each other for about two weeks.  We said that we'd make plans when he got back from Mexico.

The day he got back I was so excited to talk to him and to see him again.  I emailed him to ask him how his trip was and his reply was a lot shorter and not as banter-filled as all of our previous emails.  I thought maybe I was just overreacting and analyzing our communications too much (I have a tendency to do this).  But, my observation was right.  He barely wrote anything to me that day and most importantly didn't mention anything about wanting to go out again.  I didn't want to seem needy and annoying, so I just left it alone and hoped that he'd call me soon to ask me to hang out.  Two weeks went by and I didn't hear from him at all.  I was racking my brain, re-reading our last emails, trying to figure out what on earth went wrong.  Finally, I had to just accept that this is what dating entailed - you meet a great guy, have a great a bunch of great dates and then never hear from him again.  Wonderful, I thought. 

Buff ended up emailing me the following week to apologize for being MIA and explaining that he had met a girl in Mexico and wanted to see where it could go.  Although I liked him based on our three dates, I wasn't terribly upset.  I appreciated his honesty and wished him luck with his relationship.  Deep down I knew he wasn't the guy for me - my idea of fun would never be camping, running marathons and cycling across the five boroughs.  I enjoyed my time with him and learned from him that there are good guys out there and if there was one, there (hopefully) are bound to be more. 


  1. Aw, sorry this didn't end as you'd hoped it would. Don't date those crazy marathon runners though. They suck at relationships.

    1. @Alyssa -- Ouch :)

      I loved reading this. Totally felt all angles, the apprehension about him being in your space so soon, the re-thinking of it all, and the acceptance that it was good but ultimately didn't work.

      Very well written.

      Hope you have more good stories to share in the future.

    2. Thank you! I do have some more stories to share - some good, some not so good. Will hopefully update this weekend.