Thursday, March 15, 2012

A True Good Guy: Update on Mr. Quiet

So, a couple of posts ago, I wrote about my dates with Mr. Quiet and I left off stating that I had a dinner date with him last Saturday night.  Here's how that went down:

I met him at a Thai restaurant in Hell's Kitchen - third date and he was still picking the place and making the plans, which I thought was really nice of him.  Dinner was ok.  We had to wait for our table, so we sat at the bar and he offered to get us drinks.  It was pretty packed and I watched him trying to get the bartender's attention...he just kind of stood there, half raising his hand to be noticed.  If it were me, I would've squeezed myself into the crowd and would've politely asserted myself. 

After he got us drinks we chatted at the bar for a little.  He told me about how he went snowboarding with some friends last week and how his friend's car's window had broken.  He said that he and his friends didn't haggle with insurance or something of that nature and it reminded me of the time my car broke down while driving to Canada because the mechanic who performed an oil change on it earlier that day forgot to put the cap back in properly.  I told him that I had been really agressive and refused to take no from the insurance company everytime they told me they weren't responsible for something.  At this point, I was having trouble hiding my disappointment that he was so reserved and laid-back.

When we sat down to eat, I found it difficult to keep up conversation with him.  It seemed like again I was asking all the questions and everytime he was answering, I was already thinking about what to ask next so that there wouldn't be any awkward silence.  At one point we discussed books we had read and were currently reading.  Luckily that took up a good amount of time and his comments reflected his intelligence, which I liked a lot.

After dinner, this shy guy surprisingly said to me "so, instead of going to a bar, do you want to just come back to my apartment?" I was shocked and even though I didn't want to, I agreed because I felt bad saying no!  He was so sweet, how could I shoot him down?!  It was probably a bad idea in hindsight. 

We walked over to his apartment in silence for the most part because I had started to feel really awkward and uncomfortable.  When we got upstairs he asked if I wanted to watch a movie.  Unable to commit to being there for two hours, I suggeseted we watch episodes of Bored to Death (it came up on his Netflix).  He put the show on and turned off the lights and I became a statue.  The closer he got to me and the more he kept touching me, the more still I became.  I felt bad and at the same time felt angry that he wasn't picking up on my hesitations.  After the episode was over, he kissed me and I made up an excuse for having to leave.  He tried to kiss me some more and I went along with it for a few more minutes.  Not wanting to be there and not wanting to lead him on any further, I said I had to go.

I was mad at myself that here I had this pefectly sweet, smart guy and I wasn't into him. One of the things I loved the most about my ex was his ability to converse with complete strangers (he would strike up conversations with people at weddings, with cab drivers, anyone!) and the ease with which he made friends in any situation.  He was confident and outgoing and I realize now that those are qualities I find important in a man.

I told a few of my friends about my date with Mr. Quiet and how I hated myself for not liking him.  They each said that it's fine to not be into someone, but that I couldn't lead him, if he asked to see me again, I would have to say no. 

Mr. Quiet texted me Monday night to ask how my day was and if I wanted to go out with him again this week.  With shaky hands, I texted him back that I thought was awesome and so nice, but wasn't feeling this at the moment.  He later responded that he was sorry it didn't work out and wished me luck in my search for someone.  A truly sweet and mature guy.


  1. This is one of the rougher parts of dating, the ones with no red flags who we just can't convince ourselves to like. There is something wholly irrational about who we fall for that precludes any understanding of "why?"

  2. Seriously nothing to report last weekend? Certainly St. Patty's day must have yielded something worth blogging about...

  3. I apologize for being MIA. Have been a little busy at work. Will update soon, I promise!