Sunday, September 2, 2012

The Neuroscientist and the World Traveler

The Neuroscientist ("NS") is a guy I met at a friend's birthday party this summer.  While I was at said party, I noticed a guy standing not too far away that looked pretty, I went up to my friend and asked who the hottie was.  |It turns out that was a guy that she had spoken about that she and my former roommate had described a really nice person.  So, my friend walked me over to the group of people with whom he was talking and and somehow "casually" interjected us into the conversation. 

We spent the rest of my time there chatting, doing shots with others and trying to get other people to do kareoke.  Maybe that was just me who tried for the Kareoke.  I can't remember.  A few days later my friend texted me saying that NS had asked her for my number.  I asked if he had done that on his own or if she had said something to him at her party.  She told me that she mentioned that I had asked about him...but, whatever, I didn't care.  Anyways, he texted me a couple of days and we ended up getting drinks that week.  We went to a bar by his place and had a good time. I was super tired though, so around 10 pm I was the one who said we should get going.  We went out one more time the following week and I thought we had a good time.  Again, it was I who had to suggest ending the date.  A few days after that, he texted me saying that he was really busy that week (he really was a neuroscientist...he was actually starting a fellowship in neuroscience when we met) and asked if we could get together the following week. I said sure and we chatted a bit over text message.  He never texted me to make those plans. 

What the heck happened there?  In the beginning I thought, this is great...I have two friends that can vouch for his nicety and there's no way that he would act like a jerk given the fact that we have mutual friends.  But, it seems as though that's not a hinderance.  Is it really easier to blow a girl off knowing that your mutual friends will find out than it is to simply say "hey, I don't think this is going to work" or "hey, I like you, but I just don't have the time for this right now."  I feel like it can't be.  It's  not like it's neuro science or something.

The World Traveler is someone I dated from May to August of this past summer.  Things started off really well.  I always had a good time when we went out...he would make plans with me well in advance and would make a point to see me each week.  When we first started seeing each other, he was busy with something every weekend - a wedding, him mom coming to visit, his sister coming to visit, etc etc.  So, when the first weekend came that he didn't have any set plans, I thought for sure he was going to ask me to do something either Friday or Saturday night.  It turns out I was not factored into his weekend plans at all.  Seeing as how it had been over a month already and he was traveling abroad for 2 weeks not long after, I was pissed.

When I suggested Friday or Saturday night, he told me that he had dinner plans with his cousin Friday night and dinner plans with a friend Saturday night.  So, he asked me if we could hang out Thursday.  I said no.  Sensing my pissed-off-edness, he switched his Friday night plans and asked me to go to dinner instead.   I picked a place by my apartment, since every other time we had gone back to his place after dinner.  Dinner was fun...and then we went back to my apartment to drink some wine and watch tv...and that led to the obvious...

Afterwards, we just laid around talking for a bit, and then he got up and got dressed.  I asked him, shockingly, whether he was going home.  He replied that he was becuase he didn't like to sleep in other people's beds.  Now I was really mad.  Especially because I had shared with him my dislike of the idea of going home after sex.

The following week he was leaving for his two week, I agreed to go out with him again Monday night thinking I was going to ask him "what we were."  But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was pointless.  He was already in vacation mode and I didn't want to be that crazy girl that wants to talk relationship right before he leaves.  So, I simply said "give me a call if you want when you're back." 

He did get in touch with me when he was back...but, of course couldn't make time for me on the weekend.  But, he did find time to call me at 11 pm that Friday night that he already had plans to see if he could come over.  I was pretty sick that whole week, so I figured "ehh, why's not like I'm well enough to do if he really upsets me, I'll just cough on him."  So, he came by...we watched tv and went to bed shortly after.  He stayed over, which I guess was a nice gesture.

We went to dinner the following Monday night and that was all well and good.  Afterwards, we went back to his place to hook up and watch some Olympics.  That was the last I saw him. 

About a week and a half after that Monday night, he texted me to say that he had quit his job and was going to be traveling around for 6 months.  I remembered our second date when after dinner we went back to his rooftop to have some wine and chit-chat, he told me that he wanted to spend 6 months traveling around south east Asia.  I remember thinking "who at the age of 28 would just take off for 6 months like that?"  That guy would.  He explained in his text message that he had a 6 month non-compete clause in his employment contract, so, that's how he was able to leave for so long. 

What makes me the most mad is not that he ended things so abruptly like that, but the fact that everytime he would complain about work, I asked him what was going on. But, he refused to talk about it.  Then, after 4 months of seeing each other, he just springs on me that his job is over and he's leaving the country.  Had he told me that things were bad at work and traveling for half a year was a real possibility, maybe I wouldn't have invested my time and emotions.  But, I guess that's why he kept that information to himself. 

Anyway, I don't think it would've worked with him.  Besides the not wanting to see me on weekends, I couldn't really stand that he always wore jeans and trouser socks.  I remember one night when we were laying in bed, I looked down on the floor and saw his socks neatly rolled up into a ball.  I thought to myself, "those are such old men socks...why does he always wear them and loafers?!"  Maybe it all worked out for the best.

Next: The Frugal Gourmet


  1. Perhaps the NS thought you weren't that interested or that you wanted to play games since he caught you on nights when you were a bit tired? Dating can be a 2 way street sometimes...

  2. Suggestion - pick one of the guys and write a blog from their point of view. That would be fun.

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  4. You are too self absorbed and arrogant to even realize you are self absorbed and arrogant.

    There is a common denominator in all of these disastrous and unstable dates you are writing about...

    @Yogger: That's impossible, albeit a great idea. Based on this blogger's writing, they are very ego-centric.

  5. Yogger, I could do that, but that wasn't the point of this blog. This was supposed to be my side of the whole NYC dating experience. The guys I went out with could write their own blog, or they could just be straightforward about what they want/don't want...and then no one would have to assume what their points of views are.

    Jaz1, I don't quite understand your statement. Obviously if one is self-absorbed and arrogant, he/she wouldn't realize it! I am sorry you feel that way, though. Was there something specific that upset you?