Mr. Clingy

As promised in an earlier post, here is the story of Mr. Clingy.

I dated Mr. Clingy from October to December of this past year.  He was from New Jersey and, therefore, believed that he didn't need to plan our first date. Annoyed that he couldn't look up some places to go to, I chose the bar next door to my apartment.  Although I did what was super convenient for me, I still didn't want him to know that I lived two feet from the bar.  So, when he texted me that he was there, I told him to go in and get a drink and that I would be there in a few minutes.  I went downstairs and when I stepped out of my apartment I saw that he was standing outside looking down at his blackberry.  I walked really agressively from my building to the building next door so that it looked like I had come from somewhere more than fifteen seconds away.

I had a really good time with him.  We were at the bar for a little over two hours and chatted the whole time.  He was funny and cute and I thought maybe this could go somewhere.  We went out again the following week for dinner and then again the following weekend for another dinner.  And during the weeks in between we chatted frequently while at work.  It was nice. 

After our third date, he came over my place and we had some more wine and flipped through the tv channels pretending to find something to watch.  We obviously hooked up (do people still say that?) and that ended even more poorly than my night with the Angry Giggler.  Long story short, I had to get to the pharmacy as soon as it opened the next morning to pick up a little something called Plan B.  I wanted to go alone as I never had to do this before I felt really awkward.  But he kept insisting that he come with me.  At the pharmacy he offered to pay and I said, "really, it's fine, you paid for dinner."  But, he was a gentleman so, he paid for that too.

After that incident I felt slightly uncomfortable with him, but agreed to go out with him anyway the following weekend.  That Saturday I had a volunteering obligation, but after we went to see a Broadway show and then to get dinner.  During that time, I began to notice things about him that I hadn't noticed the other times - like, his incessant questioning of EVERYTHING (i.e.: Why are all the cabs full?  Why is there a puddle on the ground?  Is it going to rain? Why aren't you talking as much as I am?)  I became really irritated. 

For dinner that night, we went to a Mexican place by my apartment, but I was so tired from my long day that I had one sangria, some guacamole and was ready to go home (it was approximately 7:30 p.m.).  We went back to my place, I put on my pjs and no joke, passed out at 8 p.m.  Mr. C decided to sleep over despite my falling asleep at an hour earlier than when most children go to bed.  When I woke up the next morning I really just wanted him to leave my apartment, but he kept talking and asking me to reassure him that I had fun the day before and that I still liked him.  I didn't really know what to say, so I said "yeah, I guess i'm just not feeling well."  He still didn't leave.  Instead, he asked me a million more questions about what was wrong, about how I felt, about whether or not I wanted him to leave.  I finally said that it was probably better he go home. 

I didn't know what was wrong with me - I had this great guy who was super sweet and considerate, but I didn't like him anymore because I thought he was too annoying.  I called my roommate (she was visiting her boyfriend) and she assured me that there was nothing wrong with me and that sometimes you're just not into someone.

The next week Mr. Clingy messaged me continuously on Gchat and kept asking me when we were going to hang out again.  I didn't know how to say  to him that I didn't want to see him anymore, so I agreed to go out to dinner with him one weeknight that week.  It ended up raining very heavily that night so, I told him not to drive in and that we would reschedule.  But, he was fighting me on it! He kept insisting that he could probably drive in safely and that he didn't want to reschedule because what if I got too busy to see him again (btw, he claimed to have worked in "finance," but for someone who works in finance, he was never ever busy.  Like, he worked legit 9 to 5 and had time to message me all day on Gchat to tell me about what he ate for lunch, what he was eating for a snack, what he watched on tv the night before, what he was going to eat for dinner, etc).  I eventually put an end to the conversation and told him that it wasn't worth him driving in for an hour or two in the horrible conditions.  He had no choice but to accept this and yet he thanked me for being so understanding! I was the one telling him not to come into the city!! 

The next day, he messaged me as soon as I got into work and thanked me again for being so understanding about his inability to come in for dinner the night before.  Again, I reminded him that it was I who told him not to come in.  He asked me what I had done instead the night before - this was another thing he did, he always wanted to know what I was doing and who I was doing it with.  I told him that I went to the gym and then ordered dinner.  He apologized for what he perceived to be my crappy night and told me that we would've had more fun at dinner, but he wasn't sure if that made me feel better or worse.  I thought to myself, what are you talking about, I had a perfectly fine night. 

When he asked me to hang out another Saturday night, I told him that I plans with some girlfriends (not a lie) and that I had no idea when I'd be home.  I suggested we go to brunch instead the following day.  But, that was not sufficient.  He instead offered to drive in when I was done going out with my friends.  I was so turned off by that because he seemed so desperate.  I told him I'd text him when we got to the bar and we'd see then.  By the time I got to the bar it was already 12:30 a.m. and he had texted me again saying "what happened to keeping me posted?"  I couldn't deal with it, so I said I'd be home in an hour.  He drove in at 2 a.m. and all I wanted to do was go to sleep.

Oh, we did go to brunch the next day, and guess who was sitting next to us at the fairly empty restaurant.  "Bob"! I knew he saw me, but the two of us acted like we didn't know that the other was there.  I exclaimed, "I have got to tell my boss about this!"

Anyway, back to my story.  At brunch and during a few other times, Mr. Clingy and I discussed our jobs.  I consider myself a pretty ambitious person and have plans to be successful in my career.  It bothered me a lot that Mr. Clingy was never busy at work, that he worked shorter hours than I did and that he had no concrete plans for furthering his career in "finance."  He claimed that he was going to apply to grad school someday and I would think to myself, "When?  When you have a wife and kids so that she can support you?"  Then I began to imagine my life with him - me coming home late from work, him already home for five hours watching tv with the dog, asking me what's for dinner.  I had to stop, I was getting scared.

Still unable to completely blow him off, however, I agreed to go to dinner with him one more time.  We went out on a Tuesday night and I forewarned him that I had to be up early the next morning and that I would be going home and to bed after dinner.  He pretended to be fine with that.  At dinner he had one too many margaritas and conveniently couldn't drive home.  So, he came back to my apartment with me, sat on my couch and watched tv while I went to go shower and get ready for bed.  When I got out of the shower, he was in my bed wide awake.  I asked him if he was sober yet and he said no.  Great.   I got into my bed and asked him to move over.  He stayed for about an hour asking me if I was alright, if I had fun, and many other questions that I wasn't listening to.  Finally, he said he was able to drive home and left.

The next day and many days after that he would message me on Gchat the second I signed on.  And the usual questions were asked.  What are you doing tonight? When will we hang out again?  Are you sure you like me? Everyone kept telling me that I had to tell him that we shouldn't see each other anymore, but I felt so bad doing that.  Instead I made up ridiculous excuses about why I couldn't see him.  Like, I had to go to yoga because I hadn't been in so long, I had to baby sit, etc.  You would think that one would get the hint at this point.  But, he didn't.  He asked me again if I was sure that I liked him.  I told him that I was going to be very busy for the foreseeable future and I'd get back to him when my schedule opened up.

Maybe I was too mean and too much of a baby for not just being honest with him.  But, how did he not get all the hints?!? Can you imagine if the roles were reversed and I acted as clingy as he did? I would totally be that crazy stalker girl that guys would run away from.  As nice as he was, there was no way I could continue to see him.  It's funny though, I went from the semi-retarded man child who wouldn't contact me for two weeks at a time to Mr. Clingy who wouldn't stop contacting me.  Hopefully there'll be a happy medium one day.