Friday, January 20, 2012

Why is my Date Always in the Bathroom?

On more than one occassion I've had to act like it was totally normal that I was drinking or eating alone while my date was in the bathroom dealing with stomach issues.  Now, I understand that sometimes you just feel ill. But, I've now been out with three different guys who have spent more time on the toilet than with me.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I swear by the medicinal trifecta of Gingerale, Pepto and Tums.  Maybe I should start bringing these products for my dates.

One day last spring, my friend from work (let's call her "Chelsea") and I went to grab some lunch.  I was waiting on the line at Mendy's picking up a sandwhich for my co-worker when I was approached by a guy.  I was flattered that he had hit on me and was impressed that he just started talking to me out of nowhere.  He asked me for my number and at 10 p.m. that night he texted me to see if I wanted to come out and meet him at the bar he was at. I politely suggested we do brunch that Sunday instead.  Like all other guys who ask me out, he expected me to make the plans.  I made a reservation at one of my favorite brunch places in midtown.  When I got there, I told the hostess my name and reservation time and she informed that they had accidently given my reservation away to someone else.  I was really annoyed and asked how that could've happened (I've been known to overreact a bit at times.  And, by "a bit" I mean, today my friends at work (Chelsea and "Hailey" had to have an intervention with about my anger and the fact that I'm not approachable because I always have a scowl on my face.).  So, anyway, the hostess called the owner over and he informed us that they had not given away my reservation, but rather my date had gotten there before I did.  I apologized and said, "oh, where is he?"  The owner replied, "he's in the bathroom...he's been in there for a while."  I stepped to the side and played on my phone for another five minutes or so until I saw my guy come out of the restroom.  I then put my phone away and pretended to have just walked in so that he wouldn't be embarrased.  After the date was over, we were heading in two separate directions, but he insisted on walking me to the subway and then tried to hold my hand.  I pretended to be really cold (it was a blistering 50 degrees out) and fumbled with my jacket buttons because I didn't know how else to avoid the first date - hand hold.  He wasn't getting it though.  He tried to get my hand out of my pocket, so I exclaimed that I had totally forgotten that I actually had to go somewhere else...thanked him for brunch...and walked away as fast as my little legs could carry me.

Remember the 30 year old guy from Hoboken who had the super secret joke with his mother (see "Mommy and Me" post)?  He had texted me that he had arrived at the wine bar he I chose for our date.  So, I walked over from my apartment (which was across the street), but didn't see him there.  I texted him back, "I'm here, where are you?"  His response?? Yup, you guessed it! In the bathroom! This time, I sat at a little table and ordered a glass of wine while I waited for him to finish up his business.

For about two months I was seeing a guy from New Jersey, we'll call him Mr. Clingy.  (More on Mr. Clingy to come).  One Tuesday night we went to dinner at one of my favorite sushi places in my neighborhood.  When he got there, he mentioned that he wasn't feeling well.  I told him we could just go hang out at my apartment and relax as he looked like he was in pain.  He insisted that we sit down and eat.  So, we both ordered and were talking and having wine.  When the food came, he took two bites and ran to the bathroom.  He was in there for a good 15 minutes.  I continued to eat and texted my roommate to chat.  When he came out he apologized and said that he had been on the phone with his sister.  Right.  I got the check and told him we were going back to my apartment because he did not look well at all.  When we got out of the cab, I ran into the store by my apartment to buy him some gingerale and then made him drink it.  He thanked me for taking care of him and I thought to myself, no problem, you'd be surprised how often this happens.  To me at least.

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