Sunday, January 29, 2012

Mr. Clingy

As promised in an earlier post, here is the story of Mr. Clingy.

I dated Mr. Clingy from October to December of this past year.  He was from New Jersey and, therefore, believed that he didn't need to plan our first date. Annoyed that he couldn't look up some places to go to, I chose the bar next door to my apartment.  Although I did what was super convenient for me, I still didn't want him to know that I lived two feet from the bar.  So, when he texted me that he was there, I told him to go in and get a drink and that I would be there in a few minutes.  I went downstairs and when I stepped out of my apartment I saw that he was standing outside looking down at his blackberry.  I walked really agressively from my building to the building next door so that it looked like I had come from somewhere more than fifteen seconds away.

I had a really good time with him.  We were at the bar for a little over two hours and chatted the whole time.  He was funny and cute and I thought maybe this could go somewhere.  We went out again the following week for dinner and then again the following weekend for another dinner.  And during the weeks in between we chatted frequently while at work.  It was nice. 

After our third date, he came over my place and we had some more wine and flipped through the tv channels pretending to find something to watch.  We obviously hooked up (do people still say that?) and that ended even more poorly than my night with the Angry Giggler.  Long story short, I had to get to the pharmacy as soon as it opened the next morning to pick up a little something called Plan B.  I wanted to go alone as I never had to do this before I felt really awkward.  But he kept insisting that he come with me.  At the pharmacy he offered to pay and I said, "really, it's fine, you paid for dinner."  But, he was a gentleman so, he paid for that too.

After that incident I felt slightly uncomfortable with him, but agreed to go out with him anyway the following weekend.  That Saturday I had a volunteering obligation, but after we went to see a Broadway show and then to get dinner.  During that time, I began to notice things about him that I hadn't noticed the other times - like, his incessant questioning of EVERYTHING (i.e.: Why are all the cabs full?  Why is there a puddle on the ground?  Is it going to rain? Why aren't you talking as much as I am?)  I became really irritated. 

For dinner that night, we went to a Mexican place by my apartment, but I was so tired from my long day that I had one sangria, some guacamole and was ready to go home (it was approximately 7:30 p.m.).  We went back to my place, I put on my pjs and no joke, passed out at 8 p.m.  Mr. C decided to sleep over despite my falling asleep at an hour earlier than when most children go to bed.  When I woke up the next morning I really just wanted him to leave my apartment, but he kept talking and asking me to reassure him that I had fun the day before and that I still liked him.  I didn't really know what to say, so I said "yeah, I guess i'm just not feeling well."  He still didn't leave.  Instead, he asked me a million more questions about what was wrong, about how I felt, about whether or not I wanted him to leave.  I finally said that it was probably better he go home. 

I didn't know what was wrong with me - I had this great guy who was super sweet and considerate, but I didn't like him anymore because I thought he was too annoying.  I called my roommate (she was visiting her boyfriend) and she assured me that there was nothing wrong with me and that sometimes you're just not into someone.

The next week Mr. Clingy messaged me continuously on Gchat and kept asking me when we were going to hang out again.  I didn't know how to say  to him that I didn't want to see him anymore, so I agreed to go out to dinner with him one weeknight that week.  It ended up raining very heavily that night so, I told him not to drive in and that we would reschedule.  But, he was fighting me on it! He kept insisting that he could probably drive in safely and that he didn't want to reschedule because what if I got too busy to see him again (btw, he claimed to have worked in "finance," but for someone who works in finance, he was never ever busy.  Like, he worked legit 9 to 5 and had time to message me all day on Gchat to tell me about what he ate for lunch, what he was eating for a snack, what he watched on tv the night before, what he was going to eat for dinner, etc).  I eventually put an end to the conversation and told him that it wasn't worth him driving in for an hour or two in the horrible conditions.  He had no choice but to accept this and yet he thanked me for being so understanding! I was the one telling him not to come into the city!! 

The next day, he messaged me as soon as I got into work and thanked me again for being so understanding about his inability to come in for dinner the night before.  Again, I reminded him that it was I who told him not to come in.  He asked me what I had done instead the night before - this was another thing he did, he always wanted to know what I was doing and who I was doing it with.  I told him that I went to the gym and then ordered dinner.  He apologized for what he perceived to be my crappy night and told me that we would've had more fun at dinner, but he wasn't sure if that made me feel better or worse.  I thought to myself, what are you talking about, I had a perfectly fine night. 

When he asked me to hang out another Saturday night, I told him that I plans with some girlfriends (not a lie) and that I had no idea when I'd be home.  I suggested we go to brunch instead the following day.  But, that was not sufficient.  He instead offered to drive in when I was done going out with my friends.  I was so turned off by that because he seemed so desperate.  I told him I'd text him when we got to the bar and we'd see then.  By the time I got to the bar it was already 12:30 a.m. and he had texted me again saying "what happened to keeping me posted?"  I couldn't deal with it, so I said I'd be home in an hour.  He drove in at 2 a.m. and all I wanted to do was go to sleep.

Oh, we did go to brunch the next day, and guess who was sitting next to us at the fairly empty restaurant.  "Bob"! I knew he saw me, but the two of us acted like we didn't know that the other was there.  I exclaimed, "I have got to tell my boss about this!"

Anyway, back to my story.  At brunch and during a few other times, Mr. Clingy and I discussed our jobs.  I consider myself a pretty ambitious person and have plans to be successful in my career.  It bothered me a lot that Mr. Clingy was never busy at work, that he worked shorter hours than I did and that he had no concrete plans for furthering his career in "finance."  He claimed that he was going to apply to grad school someday and I would think to myself, "When?  When you have a wife and kids so that she can support you?"  Then I began to imagine my life with him - me coming home late from work, him already home for five hours watching tv with the dog, asking me what's for dinner.  I had to stop, I was getting scared.

Still unable to completely blow him off, however, I agreed to go to dinner with him one more time.  We went out on a Tuesday night and I forewarned him that I had to be up early the next morning and that I would be going home and to bed after dinner.  He pretended to be fine with that.  At dinner he had one too many margaritas and conveniently couldn't drive home.  So, he came back to my apartment with me, sat on my couch and watched tv while I went to go shower and get ready for bed.  When I got out of the shower, he was in my bed wide awake.  I asked him if he was sober yet and he said no.  Great.   I got into my bed and asked him to move over.  He stayed for about an hour asking me if I was alright, if I had fun, and many other questions that I wasn't listening to.  Finally, he said he was able to drive home and left.

The next day and many days after that he would message me on Gchat the second I signed on.  And the usual questions were asked.  What are you doing tonight? When will we hang out again?  Are you sure you like me? Everyone kept telling me that I had to tell him that we shouldn't see each other anymore, but I felt so bad doing that.  Instead I made up ridiculous excuses about why I couldn't see him.  Like, I had to go to yoga because I hadn't been in so long, I had to baby sit, etc.  You would think that one would get the hint at this point.  But, he didn't.  He asked me again if I was sure that I liked him.  I told him that I was going to be very busy for the foreseeable future and I'd get back to him when my schedule opened up.

Maybe I was too mean and too much of a baby for not just being honest with him.  But, how did he not get all the hints?!? Can you imagine if the roles were reversed and I acted as clingy as he did? I would totally be that crazy stalker girl that guys would run away from.  As nice as he was, there was no way I could continue to see him.  It's funny though, I went from the semi-retarded man child who wouldn't contact me for two weeks at a time to Mr. Clingy who wouldn't stop contacting me.  Hopefully there'll be a happy medium one day.

Dating a Guy to Spite your Boss: The Role of Religion in My Dating Life

Back in September I went out with a guy (let's call him "Bob").  He was an investment banker, nice, cute and a little dorky and had a really high pitched voice.  We revealed all the typical information people reveal on a first date and that's when I learned that he came from a very religious (Jewish) family who resided in a very religious neighborhood.  The same neighborhood in which my boss lives, actually.  Not really making anything of the situation, I enjoyed our date, but wasn't super into him.  After two glasses of wine I said that I should get going.  He offered to walk me home because he was a gentleman, not a creeper.  I declined his offer, but agreed to walk with him halfway (since I knew he had to go in the opposite direction at that point anyway).  It was there, by the second aveneue construction site, that my short, high pitched, religious date tried to kiss me.  Shocked by his brazenness, I went along with it for about three seconds and then darted out of there. 

The next day when I got to work, I told "Chelsea" about my date the night before and about how his family lives in the same town as Boss Man.  Chelsea instantly stated "Oh, well then he knows the family."  I said, just because they're religious and live in the same town, doesn't mean they all know each other.  So, we did what any employee at a normal firm would do, we paged Boss Man and asked if he knew the ---------- Family.  Boss Man's response: "Yeah, I pray with his father." 

Chelsea then proceeded to tell our boss about how I went on a date with "Bob" and about how "Bob" tried to kiss me and that he had asked me out again.  My boss is a very nice man so he didn't want to say out loud what his facial expressions were clearly stating - he was mortified that the son of this strict family was running amok dating gentiles in the City.  My boss gave me a look like "you need to put the kabosh on this ASAP."  So being the good employee that I am, I agreed to go out with Bob again.

We actually went out two more times and I tried to figure out if he liked me or if he was secretly planning some grand rebellion against his religious family and needed me for it.  I asked him if his parents mind that he's not as religious as they are and he said that they didn't really mind as long as he didn't "flaunt it in front of them."  I began to wonder then, how would he ever introduce me to them?  Would he invite me to Shabbat dinner at his parents' house and hope that I wouldn't tell them that I am a gentile?  Would he be worried that I would act totally obnoxious and show up wearing a giant cross like rappers wear or that I would insist that we say grace before eating?  Or that I would ask for a side of dairy product with my meat?  Would my boss be there?  Would he be really angry with me for not listening? There were way too many concerns. 

I wasn't even all that into Bob, but I went out with those two other times because he was nice and it made for great conversation with Chelsea and my boss.  After the third date though, I made up a lie that I was going to be really busy in the coming weeks.  I think he got the hint because he didn't contact me too much after that.  Sometimes when I'm talking to my boss about a case of mine, I ask him how "Bob's" family is doing and remind him about how funny it was that I went out three times with "Bob."  My boss laughs, but deep down I know he is happy and proud of me for not causing problems in his community. 

The Angry Giggler

Have you ever seen that episode of Sex & The City where Charlotte is dating that guy who curses at her everytime they're in bed together?  Well, then you probably know where I'm going with this one.

Last May I went out with a really attractive investment banker.  I wasn't super into him, but he really was so good looking.  We had a decent time on our first date at a hotel bar, so I decided to go out with him again.  We made plans for a Friday night during a week where I had a house guest at my apartment.  I made sure to throw her out before our date because I had a strong feeling I was bringing this guy back with me.

With my house guest gone, I got all done up and met him downtown for a drink and then we got dinner at a really good Mexican place on the lower east side.  After several margaritas and a little bit of food, I was ready to get out of there.  I didn't know how to invite him back to my apartment as I had never done it before.  So, I suggested we drink more at a bar by my apartment.  When we got to the next bar, we didn't even get through one drink when I pulled the old college "want to go back to my place and watch a movie?"  I was so awful at this.  But, it had worked.

We got back to my apartment and pretended to look for a movie to watch when he finally made his move.  One thing led to another and then completely out of nowhere, he started cursing up a storm!   All of a sudden he was shouting out these vulgar one liners at me.  I was so taken aback, I didn't know what to think.  I was like, why are you so angry??  And then after he was done (and, therefore, done cursing) he started giggling and rolling back and forth like a small child! I was like, now you're laughing?  What is happening here?!?  Is he going to sleep here too?? Because I would kind of like for him to leave now.  He fell asleep shortly after his erratic mood swing episode.  And I stayed awake in a state of shock. 

The next morning, wondering if the previous night was just the product of too much drinking, I decided to give it another shot.  We did our thing and just like the night before, he started with the cursing and transitioned into child's laughter.  This was so ridiculously weird.  After that, I got out of bed and hinted that he leave (i.e.: "So, you should probably get going.") After he left, I sat on my couch and pondered why this good looking, successful guy in his early thirties cursed like a crazy person and then giggled like an even crazier person in bed.  I don't know if this is normal or not, or if there are people out there who are into this, but I know that this is not for me.  No more angry gigglers please.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Is This Really What's Out There?

A few months after my ex and I broke up, I met a guy (the semi-retarded man child from first introduction post) at a law class I had to take.  It was a weekend class - all day Saturday and all day Sunday.  I knew there was potential when on that Sunday during our lunch break we went for brunch and shared a pitcher of Sangria.

It was the first time in a long time that I was so excited to have met someone.  He was cute and smart and funny.  I thought he was so smooth based on how he asked me for my number - he asked if I knew of any good restaurants on the upper east side (where I live) and when I showed him on my phone, one of my favorite Turkish restaurants by me, he took a look and said "so, when are we going?"  I would later find out that his other personalities were not nearly as smooth.

Our first date was at the Turkish restaurant that I liked.  It was a beautiful night out, we shared a bottle of wine, had good food and talked the whole time.  And then at the end of dinner when the bill came, he reached for his wallet and me, being a little buzzed and a little stupid, offered to split it with him.  He accepted my offer without hesitation and that really annoyed me. 

He then offered to walk me home and I thought to myself "oh, now he wants to be a gentelman?"  Well, he had no intention of being a gentleman, he was simply hoping to come upstairs with me.  He kissed me when we got to my building.  And, not like a normal first date kiss.  More like one where I thought I was going to have to hose him down in the street.

Two weeks went by before I heard from him again.  He texted me to ask if I wanted to hang out.  Knowing better than to go out to dinner with him again, I told him to come over my apartment at 8 pm. After all, I did think he was cute and I thought if nothing else, I could keep this guy around to come over once in a while...

Basically we kept that up for a few weeks and then one day he texted me to hang out again.  I told him to come over and he asked if I wanted to get dinner before.  I was surprised by this and even more surprised when he asked if he could cook me dinner.  Skeptically, I said yes.  Later that evening, I went to his apartment and had a pretty good time actually.  Until the end of the night when I assumed I'd be sleeping over, and he instead kicked me out of his apartment.  I told him he was awful and that, yes, I would go to the movies with him and his friends that Friday night.  I know, I know - more stupidity on my part.

Basically it remained like that over the next few months.  We began to see each other more and more.  Going on legitimate dates, talking on a regular basis and enjoying each other's company.  But, then inevitably he would bring up how he didn't want to be in a relationship.  Every date ended with that conversation.  One night we went to his friend's art show and back to my apartment where I cooked him dinner and I was so happy that it had been such a nice night.  Until he ruined it by fighting with me about how he didn't want a girlfriend.  Another night, he had invited me to dinner with his two married couple friends.  I thought to myself, surely you don't bring any random person to a tripple date dinner.  But, apparently this guy did.  At the end of those two nights and every other date night, I assured him that I didn't want to be in a relationship with him either as he was a little crazy and I couldn't deal with that.  The problem was, we were kind of in a relationship and I liked him more than I let on. 

Then there were the times when he'd blow up at me at of nowhere.  For example, one Saturday morning we woke up at his apartment, went to breakfast, came back and laid in bed reading.  I had to get going, so I got up to brush my teeth and as I was getting ready in his living room, he went into the bathroom and began yelling at me about how I squeezed the toothpaste incorrectly.  I froze and stared at him with a confused look on my face.  I asked, "how am I supposed to squeeze it?"  He explained that you squeeze it from the bottom, not the top.  I asked why and he threw his hands up in the air and exclaimed in disbelief "why?! she asks me!" I was like, OMG, is this fight actually taking place right now??  It was.

I knew he wasn't good for me, but I couldn't end it.  I would still get excited every time he called me and kept thinking that eventually he'd realize that we were basically in a relationship and it wasn't so bad.  But, that never happened.  Instead, one night when we were supposed to hang out, I texted him that I didn't want to go out too late, but that he was welcome to come over after he got of the lecture he was attending that evening.  He never responded and I never saw him again. 

I'd like to think that my five month ordeal with him provided me with some kind of grand learning experience.  When I figure out what that is, I'll be sure to blog about it.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Why is my Date Always in the Bathroom?

On more than one occassion I've had to act like it was totally normal that I was drinking or eating alone while my date was in the bathroom dealing with stomach issues.  Now, I understand that sometimes you just feel ill. But, I've now been out with three different guys who have spent more time on the toilet than with me.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I swear by the medicinal trifecta of Gingerale, Pepto and Tums.  Maybe I should start bringing these products for my dates.

One day last spring, my friend from work (let's call her "Chelsea") and I went to grab some lunch.  I was waiting on the line at Mendy's picking up a sandwhich for my co-worker when I was approached by a guy.  I was flattered that he had hit on me and was impressed that he just started talking to me out of nowhere.  He asked me for my number and at 10 p.m. that night he texted me to see if I wanted to come out and meet him at the bar he was at. I politely suggested we do brunch that Sunday instead.  Like all other guys who ask me out, he expected me to make the plans.  I made a reservation at one of my favorite brunch places in midtown.  When I got there, I told the hostess my name and reservation time and she informed that they had accidently given my reservation away to someone else.  I was really annoyed and asked how that could've happened (I've been known to overreact a bit at times.  And, by "a bit" I mean, today my friends at work (Chelsea and "Hailey" had to have an intervention with about my anger and the fact that I'm not approachable because I always have a scowl on my face.).  So, anyway, the hostess called the owner over and he informed us that they had not given away my reservation, but rather my date had gotten there before I did.  I apologized and said, "oh, where is he?"  The owner replied, "he's in the bathroom...he's been in there for a while."  I stepped to the side and played on my phone for another five minutes or so until I saw my guy come out of the restroom.  I then put my phone away and pretended to have just walked in so that he wouldn't be embarrased.  After the date was over, we were heading in two separate directions, but he insisted on walking me to the subway and then tried to hold my hand.  I pretended to be really cold (it was a blistering 50 degrees out) and fumbled with my jacket buttons because I didn't know how else to avoid the first date - hand hold.  He wasn't getting it though.  He tried to get my hand out of my pocket, so I exclaimed that I had totally forgotten that I actually had to go somewhere else...thanked him for brunch...and walked away as fast as my little legs could carry me.

Remember the 30 year old guy from Hoboken who had the super secret joke with his mother (see "Mommy and Me" post)?  He had texted me that he had arrived at the wine bar he I chose for our date.  So, I walked over from my apartment (which was across the street), but didn't see him there.  I texted him back, "I'm here, where are you?"  His response?? Yup, you guessed it! In the bathroom! This time, I sat at a little table and ordered a glass of wine while I waited for him to finish up his business.

For about two months I was seeing a guy from New Jersey, we'll call him Mr. Clingy.  (More on Mr. Clingy to come).  One Tuesday night we went to dinner at one of my favorite sushi places in my neighborhood.  When he got there, he mentioned that he wasn't feeling well.  I told him we could just go hang out at my apartment and relax as he looked like he was in pain.  He insisted that we sit down and eat.  So, we both ordered and were talking and having wine.  When the food came, he took two bites and ran to the bathroom.  He was in there for a good 15 minutes.  I continued to eat and texted my roommate to chat.  When he came out he apologized and said that he had been on the phone with his sister.  Right.  I got the check and told him we were going back to my apartment because he did not look well at all.  When we got out of the cab, I ran into the store by my apartment to buy him some gingerale and then made him drink it.  He thanked me for taking care of him and I thought to myself, no problem, you'd be surprised how often this happens.  To me at least.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Mommy and Me

Another recurring theme amongst the guys I've dated is a supreme bond/unhealthy tie between mother and son.

The first time I was on the dating site, I stayed on for two months.  Towards the end of that period, I decided to give this guy from Brooklyn a shot.  We met at a wine bar in Midtown on a Friday night and I was hopeful.  He told me about how he had come from a work bbq - he worked at Google and was in the process of interviewing with Yahoo.  I can't tell you what he did, but I remember thinking "at least this one is ambitious and makes good money."  He then asked all the typical questions - where do you live, where are you from, do you have any siblings.  All pretty standard so far.  After I told him that I had two siblings, I said "what about you?"  He told me that he was an only child because his mother had a complicated delivery with him and had to have her uterus removed shortly after giving birth to him.  He shook his head and looked at me with sad eyes while he explained this unfortunate turn of events.  I didn't know what to say, so I blurted out, "aww, i'm sure she still loves you though."  Who shares that kind of information on a first date?!? What does the recipient of such information say to that?! 

Another night, I went out with a guy from Hoboken.  He was a winner who cpuldn't be bothered to choose a date spot, so he decided to let me choose the bar.  So, I picked the wine bar across the street from my apartment.  He drove in from Jersey, found parking and I walked out of my apartment and across the street to meet him.  We ordered wine and engaged in meaningless conversation (mostly about how he was annoyed that he had to drive so far out of his way to get to the bar I chose) and shortly thereafter, he chuckled at something.  I asked "what's so funny?" He replied "oh, just an inside joke I have with my mother."  I smiled and nodded my head and thought "that's healthy for a thirty year old man."  I was just glad that my trip home entailed crossing the street.

Then, the other night I went out with a thirty-one year old man who worked at an investment bank.  It turned out we lived in the same neighborhood so we met up at a local bar.  I walked there from my apartment and he drove his vespa.  Yes, a vespa.  I guess he was on a "I feel wordly kick" because he drove said motorized scooter, so he began to tell me about his fourteen year old sister (who, as he informed me, was an "accident") and about how one of the most rewarding experiences was being able to watch her grow up in today's world.  A world, which he describes as being rife with "poor macroeconomic factors."  I tried to furtively glance at my watch to see if it was almost time to go home, but Vespa boy proceeded to tell me more about his family and how they were "goal oriented people" and, therefore, felt he terribly for his younger brother in law school who didn't have a job lined up for after graduation and his poor parents who had to deal with all of this.  Again, I didn't really know what to say.  I assured him that his parents did a good job of raising him and his siblings and that everything would work out in the end.  Meanwhile, I was preoccupied thinking of polite ways to say no if he asked to give me a ride home on his vespa. At some point in our sixty minute long date, I began to tire of his arrogance and his usage of big words of which he probably didn't know the meanings.  I started to get snippy.  He told me "you have an attitude - I like it!"  Cleary, he didn't realize that I was trying to repel him.  Finally, I made up an excuse of having an early meeting at work the next morning and, thus, had to get home (it was approximately 9:30 p.m.). 

I think it's great when a man is close with his mother.  I know that if he treats her well, chances are he'll treat me well too.  But, seriously, between Toucan Sam getting home-made costumes from his mommy, Brooklynite's guilt over having destroyed his mother's uterus and Hoboken's mother-son chuckle, a line needs to be drawn at some point.  Or, at least wait until the second date to reveal this unique bond between mommy and big man-baby.

He's So Far in the Closet, He's in Narnia*

After my ex left me, I knew I had to get out there and go on some dates.  I wasn't looking for my next serious relationship, but rather for a distraction and a reminder that there were other guys out there.  I use the term "guys" loosely.

With the help of my good friend, I created a profile on an online dating site and the adventures began.  My first date was with a short red-headed guy (we'll call him "Gingerman").  He asked if I wanted to get drinks one Saturday night and I said sure.  He then asked me where we should go.  Impressed by his manly-take charge kind of attitude, I chose a lounge that was roughly half way between us and that I had been to before and liked. 

I got to the lounge and he went to the wrong bar.  Luckily it was just next door, so he arrived shortly after I did.  I was pretty nervous as this was my first first-date in over four years.  I felt slightly more at ease though when I saw his red locks and his funny argyle vest.  He asked me what I wanted to drink  and I said I was debating between some choices.  In an effort to help me decide, he asked "have you ever had a real sex on the beach?"  That's when I knew something was up with Gingerman. 

He ordered a colorful martini and I ordered something a bit more respectable for myself and he then said to me: "I like your jacket, is it from Banana Republic?"  My response: "Umm, yes, I bought it there like, two years ago."  How and why he remembered the women's inventory from Banana from two years ago puzzled me greatly. 

While he spoke continuously about how smart he was, how we went to the greatest schools, how he's a lawyer at a huge firm and makes a ton of money (yet stays at hostels and strangers' apartments when he travels abroad), etc etc, I realized it was possible that my charming Gingerman was probably more into dudes than he was into me. 

I'd like to say that that was a one time occurrence and that a similar situation did not arise on another date.  But, it did.

The following week I went out with a guy who looked cute and seemed funny.  We'll call this guy Toucan Sam, for reasons I will get to.  We met at a wine bar near my apartment - one that he had picked (hooray!). We sat down and as soon as he spoke, I thought "oh no, not again."  As if his manuerisms weren't indication enough that he would've preferred to be sipping vino with a fellow male rather than with me, his stories confirmed my suspicions.

I asked him where in the city he lived and he stated that he loves living in the west village with his actress roommate. I thought to myself, "obviously." Then he told me about some of his favorite activites, one of which was salsa dancing on the Highline every Thursday.  Then, and this is the real kicker folks, he told me about how he dresses up every Halloween (he was 28 btw) and that thankfully his mother still sews his Halloween costumes for him.  I guess my look of severe shock led him to believe I wanted him to go on.  So, he told me that the previous Halloween, his mom had sewn him a Toucan Sam costume.  My response, "So you went out as Toucan Sam?  The fruit loops bird?"  TS: "Yeah, my mom did such a good job on the costume!"

I quickly met the waitress' gaze and signaled for the check.  I told him that I had some finished painted pottery to go pick up before the paint-your-own pottery place closed (this was actually true...thank God I had procrastinated picking up the pottery).  When the check came, he did not appear to be reaching for his wallet.  Being new to the whole dating thing and desperate to get out of there, I reached for my wallet.  The rest was kind of a blur, but basically I ended up paying for him as he put down a minimal amount and I put down a 20.  The whole date lasted 45 minutes.  And, sadly I will never get those 45 minutes back.

*The title of this post is a quote from someone, but I'm not sure who.  It's been passed along from my roommate, who heard it from her boyfriend.  That's all I got.

Despite what my grandma says, I'm not weak: An Introduction to Me

Some lawyers write briefs and memos.  I write passages in a book, which I like to call my "bad date journal."  I have decided today to bring my entertaining stories to the mass public.  Or, to at least the ten or so of you who have already heard all my stories.  Now you can read them too.  You're welcome.

Growing up, I was practically raised by my grandparents.  My grandma has done everything for me and loves me very much, but she's always considered my height and my fortunate slender figure a disability.  So, you can imagine that while I was in a four year relationship with a great guy, she was very happy that I had someone who would presumably marry me and some day impregnate me.  As she explained to him one summer when we went to visit her in Croatia, "she very weak, she no have strength, I not know how she finish law school."  My then boyfriend, very politely said to her "oh no, she's not weak at all...she's very strong!"  He meant it because we went through more in four years together than what some people go through in an entire lifetime.  Between, my grandparents moving back to Croatia for good, law school, bar exams and the untimely passing of his younger sister to cancer, we were a huge source of mental and emotional support for each other. 

After we both finished taking the New York Bar Exam and had found jobs, we did what most people who have been dating for four years do, we moved in together (August 2010).  Our relationship had not been good for quite a bit of time at this point, but I was in denial and figured things would get better once we moved in together.  Boy was I wrong. 

About half way through our lease and after may days and nights of fighting, we ended our relationship (February 2011).  My ex moved out, but thankfully continued to pay half the rent and utilities.  But, this was a double-edged sword because while it enabled me to continue living in my glamourous fifth floor walk up and according to the lifestyle to which I had grown accustomed, it also meant that we were still frequently communicating with each other.  (ex: "I need to come by to drop off the rent check", I need to come pick up my mail and "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE DOING, COME HERE NOWWWW AND KILL THIS ROACH, I'M TERRIFIED OF IT AND I CAN'T EVEN GET TO MY XANEX BECAUSE IT'S NEAR THE BATHROOM.")  The last quote was from me.

So, after a four year hiatus and some time to heal, I was back in the dating scene.  I had not missed it.

After a few months of dating various guys and a five month stint with a semi-retarded man-child, I decided to make a compilation of my depressingly funny stories.  I continue to add to it as it provides great comic relief.  I hope you will all enjoy!