Thursday, March 14, 2013

The Squash Player

After things ended with the sort of boyfriend, I went back on the online dating site so that I could go out on dates and hopefully spend less time thinking about how sad I was.  The squash player didn't really help with this.

His profile said he was 35 years old, lived in the city and under occupation it said "squash player/stock market junkie" and he looked super cute in his pictures.  I figured he was in finance or something and played squash in his spare time.  Turns out it was the opposite - he teaches children how to play squash somewhere in New Jersey. 

He chose a random pub by his apartment and I met him there one evening a few weeks ago.  I noticed two things right off the bat: (1) he wore a gold band on his right hand finger and (2) he was gay.

The first thing I said to him upon seeing the ring was "Oh, are you married?"  He said "no" and explained that he has been wearing his dad's wedding band since he was 14 years old.  I naturally wondered if his father had passed away and was that why he wore his wedding band.  Nope.  He said his dad took the ring off one day when he was 14, so he took it from the counter and has been wearing it since.  He further explained that he's not used to having to explain why he wears it becuase he just got out of a 7 year relationship with a girl 8 years his junior. I was really thrown for a loop with all this information and the fact that he stated it all in a super flamboyant manner.

I had so many questions for him, but it was ridiculously loud at the pub we were in.  So, he suggested we go next door to a Brasserie that opened recently.  We went to that bar and it was much more quiet as we were the only customers there.  My date spent most of the evening chatting up the male bartender, but I got a few questions in here and there. I found out that he had started seeing the "girlfriend" of 7 years when he was 28 and she was 20.  I found it weird that a 28 year old man would date a 20 year old girl.  I found it even more weird that during the course of their 7 year relationship, they never lived together.  Honestly, I found everything weird about him.

At one point, he asked me for advice on dating women since he'd been out of the scene for so long.  In my head, I thought, let's be real here, you don't like women.  But, it was not my place to tell him that if he hadn't realized it already.  So, instead I said "well, you could start by taking off the wedding band."  To this, he BLEW UP at me! Out of nowhere he started going off on me saying that he already explained why he wears it and his ex never had a problem with it.  I tried to calm him down and explain to him that he asked me for advice and that I was simply indicating how it came off as a first impression.  He told me that I was so judgmental for not understanding about the gold wedding band.  Then I said, "why don't you wear it on a chain as a neckalace and tuck it into your shirt?"  His response: "Won't that make me look gay?"
I had enough at that point.  And, apparently, so had he because he was still huffing and puffing over the fact that I suggested he not wear the wedding band on dates.  I asked him if he was ok, and he threw his hands up in the air and grunted or something.  Luckily he decided to just pay the bill at that point and I was free of his craziness. 

More than anything, I was annoyed that despite it being extrememly clear that he was gay (his manuerisms, his flirting with the bartender, his never having lived with his "girlfriend" of 7 years, etc...) he decided it was ok to waste my time by asking me out.  There are plenty of other loonies I could've gone out with who at least would've potentially put a ring on my finger some day.


  1. That was tremendous. Thank you for sharing. I really don't feel like he wasted your time because he gave you an awesomely bizarre experience that you'll probably remember for decades. But given that you felt differently, why not just go ahead and ask him why he doesn't accept his gayness? That could have been a truly amazing spectacle.

  2. Ehh, I have enough bizarre stories. I'd rather spend my time going on dates with guys there may actually be potential with. Plus, I try to stick to one topic of life advice per date. Let some other poor girl be the one to bring up the issue of his sexual orientation.