Friday, March 8, 2013

The Sort of Boyfriend

It might be hard for me to fully explain the story of the Sort of Boyfriend because I think I'm still trying to understand what exactly happened.  Here goes:

I went out with this guy for the first time in mid-December.  He picked a bar up by me and we met up for brunch on a Sunday.  When he got there he advised me that he would only be drinking ginger ale because he went out to dinner the night before with his friends and overstuffed himself.  I completely understood. 

We had an ok time and at the end of it, I thought ehh, I could go out with him again or not.  He texted me a bit over the next few days just to say hi, which I like and then he asked me out again for the following week.  We went out to dinner to a Mexican place by me which he picked.  When we got there I realized he hadn't made a reservation...I figured it was just because he was a guy and guys forget to do things like make reservations for dinner on a Friday night.  While we waited for a table, we sat at the bar and had a margarita.  I took my coat and purse off and looked for a hook on which to hang them.  He took my purse from the stool and hung it on a hook for me.  I thought this simple gesture was really sweet and showed that he was attentive. 

Dinner was so much fun and after we went to a wine bar near by.  We were out until 2 am!  That is major for me.  At the end of the night, he tried to get me to come back to his place, but I said no because I was beginning to like him and thought there was real potential.  So, he hailed me a cab and kissed me goodnight. 

The next week was great...he kept in touch and we had great banter between us.  He asked me out again for after New Year's and we then went out a few more times.  Things were going so well - he always made it known that he wanted to see me, he talked to me in between dates, he was sweet and funny...I was so happy!

Three weeks into dating, we went to dinner and he invited me to go to his friend's birthday party the following weekend.  I knew he was pretty serious at that point.  I was thrilled that he asked me and was so excited to go. 

That Saturday night, I went over to his apartment first and we ordered dinner and then left for the party.  All his friends were so nice and more importantly, they were all married.  I figured since he's 32 and all his friends are married, clearly he wants to be married too.  (I believe this is what they call foreshadowing).  Anyway, my guy kept an eye on me throughout the night just to make sure I was doing ok mingling with his friends when we were split up (which I thought was very sweet and thoughtful). 

After that night, his interest did not wane.  He suggested we cook dinners together, he continued to take me out, we took a cooking class together, we were spending whole weekends together.  He even referred to me as his girlfriend.  I cannot even begin to put into words how happy I was.  I thought it was all too good to be true.  But, my friends assured me that this is how it's supposed to be when you meet a great guy.  I thought it was amzing that things were progressing so well. 

Another perk was that the photographer, upon seeing a picture of me and my guy on facebook, texted me pretending that he never fell off the face of the earth and that things were still peachy between us.  He asked what was new and how I was doing...I replied with one word answers.  Then he said that we should get together sometime.  I said "I'm seeing someone, so I don't think so."  It felt great!

The weekend before Valentine's Day, I was at his apartment, as per usual.  However, I began to feel like he wanted his space and wanted me out of there.  Of course this did not feel nice, but I understood that it was natural for him to miss his man-time.  He had been single for most of his life and I could see how it was a drastic change to go from single to all of a sudden there's a girl in his space every weekend.  So, I went home early that Sunday and backed off.  By Monday things were back to normal.  He picked a place for Valentine's Day, but again did not make a reservation.  So, I found that my favorite Mexican place had an available reservation and booked that for us. 

V-Day dinner was so nice and romatic...he showed up with roses and I had made him chocolate covered oreos, which I knew he liked.  After dinner, we went back to his apartment and watched tv and got ready for work the next morning. 

The three-day weekend after V-Day, I noticed that he wasn't texting me and that when I would text him asking how his weekend was he replied with short, snippy comments.  I began to worry. 

Still not hearing from him by Tuesday, I called him to ask why he was acting so cold.  He told me that he's never had a relationship last more than five months because everytime he gets to this point he realizes he doesn't want "the headache of a relationship" know, like, "having to talk about each other's days."  I was trying to understand this all.  I pointed out to him that it was he who wanted me to meet his friends, he who wanted to cook dinners together, he who wanted to spend weekends together, he who wanted to take the cooking class, etc etc.  His response?  "I know, i'm sorry."

I asked him what he wanted...he said he didn't know.  I asked him if he wanted to see other people.  He said no.  I then said that this wasn't fair to me and that he had to tell me what he wanted.  He had nothing more to say than "I don't know."  I then pointed out that he is 32 years old, that all his friends are married and that his sister has two kids and that it might be time he figures out what he wants.  I also said that I'm 29 and I know what I want - and that this flakiness was not it.  I wasn't going to be his girlfriend when he wanted one and then disappear when he was feeling too overwhelmed with the whole "headache of a relationship."  He said he understood and that was the last I've spoken to him.

If he knew that he had a history of flaking out after a few months, then he should have never led me on to think this would continue to progress.  He literally went from hot to cold in a matter of days.  I spent the next week replaying everything in my head and  re-reading all of our text messages..trying to make some sense out of everything.  It was impossible.  Instead, I just got over him a little more each day...went back on the dating site and started all over again. 

I went on a first date again the following week.  It was an adventure.  Stay tuned.