Friday, August 9, 2013

The Boys of Summer

So, this summer I've been seeing two guys, both non-committal/ ineligible bachelor types. But, I'm not here to discuss that today. Rather, I'd like to talk about the gay and/or hipsters I've been on dates with in the meantime. 

A few weeks ago, I went out with a guy who chose a cute wine bar not far from his apartment. When he showed up, I was pleasantly surprised by his appearance. And then when he spoke, I thought "f****, here we go again." He spent most of our date talking about how hard it is to meet new male friends these days and about his buddy who he often comes to the wine bar with.

I just drank my wine and counted down the minutes until I could leave. When we had finished, he called over the waiter that he seemed to be friendly with.  I almost died when he raised his hand and said "Ufti, can we get the check?" in the most flamboyant accent. After that I went drunk shopping at trader joes. Just another regular monday night. 

Last night I went out with a guy on the lower east side, which is about 5378473 hours from where I live. I later found out that he had me meet him at a bar that he was already at as he was having a "meeting" there. I was so depressed when I got off the subway and began my walk to the overly loud and crowded bar, I ended up stopping for an eclair. I got a huge one and ate it while I walked to the bar. I felt so over it that I paid no mind to the bits of chocolate that fell down my shirt and felt no shame as I stuffed my face with the delicious pastry. Instantly, my spirits were lifted. 

When I got to the bar, it was so loud that we ended up walking even further away to another crowded bar. My date was either gay or a hipster. I couldn't really tell. Either way, not for me. He was nice enough, but after one sangria and some meatballs, I just wanted to begin my long trek home. Fortunately, he took my hint and I was home bound after one round. 

Dating is hard enough. Do we really need to be wasting each other's time going out with people who don't even meet the preferred gender criteria? Come on!


  1. As a fellow Non Real Man, it's comforting to see that my colleagues on the East Coast continue to flounder about with such incompetence. It's intimidating when someone raises the bar.

    Nice imagery with the ├ęclair. I think everyone can relate to such a moment.

    Keep the faith.