The Photographer, The Chatty Nice Guy and the Boyfriend (Kind of)

Back in November/December, I met three great guys, each of whom I dated and each story having a different outcome.  I was so happy that the dating gods were finally realizing that I had had enough negative experiences and were sending some quality men my way!

Part I of this trilogy is the Photographer:

We went out on a Saturday night and hit it off instantly.  He was a 34 year old photographer/creative director for an Ad Agency in NYC.  I liked that he wasn't the typical lawyer/finance guy that I generally meet in NYC.  After a great first date, things continued to go well.  He made plans with me in advance, would text me just to say hi and would say sweet things like "you're adorable, just wanted to let you know."  I was smitten.

We went on a few more good dates and then I noticed that he wasn't texting me as often.  After a shouting match good-natured debate with my co-worker/friend, I agreed to text him asking "when I am going to see you again?"  (I believe that in the beginning, if a man wants to see you, he will.  And, that no amount of contacting him will make him want to see you if that feeling isn't there already).  He replied saying that his company's holiday party was the following night and asked if I would like to come along.  You bet I did!  Except, now I was a little weary of his intentions. 

The next evening I rushed home after work, showered, got all dressed up, did my make up and met him downstairs where he was waiting to pick me up.  We went to the party and it was little weird at first considering I had only been out with him a few times.  But, a few glasses of wine later, I was having a ball. 

We danced and laughed and ate (I tried to control myself and not eat like I normally do, which is like food is going out of style)...it was an awesome night.  At the end of it, we didn't want to go home, but it was too late to go out (I don't stop acting like a grandma for anyone)...so, I said he could come over as long as he didn't have any expectations.  He came back, I stuck to my word and the next morning, after I was done getting ready for work, we walked to Starbucks together...got our coffee and then got on the subway.  We were discussing New Year's and he said he didn't know whether he wanted to stay in Maine (he was going home for Christmas in about a week) or come back to the city.  He said he preferred to stay in the city, but it didn't sound like he had any plans to come back for.  So, I stupidly invited him to my New Year's party that I was going to have at my apartment.  He seemed surprised in a nice way and said he would let me know.

The following week he left for Maine and I never saw him again.  While he was there he texted me saying "Merry Christmas," but that was really it.  He never got back to me about New Year's and I slowly got over him. 

He did reappear though.  But, that's in Part III.

The Greek Guy

The Greek guy is someone I met last September. 

After our first date, I thought he was cute and fun, so I decided to go out with him a second time.  That's when I found out he was slightly crazy.  It turns out one of his favorite pasttimes was doing coke.  So much so, that he had a supply readily available in his apartment.  I explained to him that I've never done drugs and that as a lawyer, I could not take any chances being around that stuff.  He said he understood.

I was hopeful that because he grew up in Greece, maybe he was a nice family man with good values.  So much for that.  But, wondering if I reacted too quickly and thinking "well, maybe I should give him another chance...maybe there's more to him than just drugs...maybe, maybe, maybe" I went out with him one night the following week. We had a good chat over dinner, but I realized that he definitely was not for me.  That of course did not stop me from calling him one Friday night while I had been out and drinking with a girlfriend.  I went over his place and we hooked up.  The next morning while we were eating our bagels, he asked me where "this" was going.  Mouth full bagel and cream cheese, I looked at him and thought "oh crap."

I said that I didn't really see a future, mainly because he said he wasn't ready to stop doing coke, because he "just likes to party sometimes."  That's just not for me.  He then told me that there was a "certain masculinity to my femininity" and I said "did you just call me a dude?" 

That bothered me because clearly this man thought that because I wasn't into him, I was obviously just a dude playing the field and didn't want a relationship with anyone.  Can you imagine if the roles were reversed and after the fourth date I asked the man "where is this going?"  He would've freaked out and ran the other way. 

The following week Hurricane Sandy hit and he lived in lower Manhattan, which was essentially destroyed by the storm.  I offered for him to stay at my place during the first day of the storm.  I explained to him that it would not just be me and him...that my roommate and my friend were also going to come over.  My brother and his girlfriend came by too.  He came over, well aware that I wasn't planning some romantic night of hunkering down together. 

The entire night, his presence annoyed me to no end.  Around 11 pm I said I was tired and wanted to go to sleep.  That was when he started with his hissy fit...asking what was wrong with me and just being a plain old dick.  Then finally he goes "Do you want me to leave??" Truly perplexed why he was acting like such a child, I turned around and told him he was being very ridiculous and whether he wanted to stay or go was up to him.  He left the following morning in a weird mood and told me to take care.  I thought that was the end of it.

About a month later, he texted me asking if I was interested in having a booty call.  Obviously. 
I said no and wished him well.  What I really wanted to say was "What?!?!"

About a month after that he texted me again asking if I was now up for a booty call.  Again, I said no and that I had just started seeing someone.  I thought that would make it clear to him to leave me alone.

Last week, I got another text message from him saying that he had a dream about me and wanted to take me out.  I said no thank you and that this would not work.  He didn't reply.  Hopefully I'm in the clear for at least another two to three months. 

The Frugal Gourmet

After another long hiatus, i'm back.  Things in the dating world were good for a while and now they're bad again.  I'm hoping if I write about them, they'll be less bad.

Going back to last summer with the man I like to call the Frugal Gourmet:

I started seeing him in May and I wasn't so into him at first.  But, I went out with him a second time and then a third time and I began to enjoy his company.  It also didn't hurt that he was really cute. Things were pretty good - he planned dates, asked me out in advance, paid at the end of the date.  But, then by the third month, I noticed that he was super cheap.  And, not so much a gentlman.

He continued to ask me out to dinner and drinks and then when the bill would come, he would indirectly try to get me to pay for half.  My thoughts on paying are as follows:  I believe the man should pay on a date.  Once a relationship is established, I have no problem offering to split bills, or taking my boyfriend out once in a while, or cooking dinner for us at home.  But, during the courting phase, the man pays.  Period.

What I didn't understand was why he'd suggest going to nice places if he knew he didn't want to pay for it.  One time he took me to his favorite seafood place for dinner; he got the lobster and I got the shrimp tacos.  Then when the bill came, he wanted me to pay for half....but, there was no way I was paying for his lobster dinner.  I asked him if he was serious and then he played it off like he was just kidding.  Please.  I would've been perfectly content staying in, getting a bottle of wine and watching a movie.  But, he wanted to go to this restaurant.  You are the man, I am your date, you have made no committment to me. I am not here to finance your lobster dinner so that tomorrow night you can afford to take out the next girl. 

After that he asked me if I wanted to grab a drink at a lounge that just opened by his apartment.  I don't know why I continued on this date, but I did.  We went, he ordered his drink and I ordered a glass of wine.  Then the bartender gave us the bill and I knew he was waiting for me to pay for my own drink.  Annoyed, I reached into my wallet and gave him $10.  I looked around the bar - it was packed with couples on dates...I didn't see any other woman giving her date money to cover her glass of wine. 

With the mood completely killed, I was eager to get out of there.  I had already packed my bag to stay over his place (we had been doing this almost every weekend for the previous three months)...my bag was super heavy and I didn't feel like trekking back up to my apartment...I just wanted to go to sleep as it had been a long week.  Further annoyed that he not once had offered to carry my bag (despite all my comments about how heavy it was), I said "can you please just see how heavy this bag is that I've been carrying all night."  He took the bag from me and replied "Oh wow! That is heavy!"  Then he gave the bag back to me.

The next day he didn't even give me a kiss goodbye when I left his place.  When I got home I sent him a text message saying that this was not going to work for me.  He never responded.

The Neuroscientist and the World Traveler

The Neuroscientist ("NS") is a guy I met at a friend's birthday party this summer.  While I was at said party, I noticed a guy standing not too far away that looked pretty cute....so, I went up to my friend and asked who the hottie was.  |It turns out that was a guy that she had spoken about before...one that she and my former roommate had described a really nice person.  So, my friend walked me over to the group of people with whom he was talking and and somehow "casually" interjected us into the conversation. 

We spent the rest of my time there chatting, doing shots with others and trying to get other people to do kareoke.  Maybe that was just me who tried for the Kareoke.  I can't remember.  A few days later my friend texted me saying that NS had asked her for my number.  I asked if he had done that on his own or if she had said something to him at her party.  She told me that she mentioned that I had asked about him...but, whatever, I didn't care.  Anyways, he texted me a couple of days and we ended up getting drinks that week.  We went to a bar by his place and had a good time. I was super tired though, so around 10 pm I was the one who said we should get going.  We went out one more time the following week and I thought we had a good time.  Again, it was I who had to suggest ending the date.  A few days after that, he texted me saying that he was really busy that week (he really was a neuroscientist...he was actually starting a fellowship in neuroscience when we met) and asked if we could get together the following week. I said sure and we chatted a bit over text message.  He never texted me to make those plans. 

What the heck happened there?  In the beginning I thought, this is great...I have two friends that can vouch for his nicety and there's no way that he would act like a jerk given the fact that we have mutual friends.  But, it seems as though that's not a hinderance.  Is it really easier to blow a girl off knowing that your mutual friends will find out than it is to simply say "hey, I don't think this is going to work" or "hey, I like you, but I just don't have the time for this right now."  I feel like it can't be.  It's  not like it's neuro science or something.

The World Traveler is someone I dated from May to August of this past summer.  Things started off really well.  I always had a good time when we went out...he would make plans with me well in advance and would make a point to see me each week.  When we first started seeing each other, he was busy with something every weekend - a wedding, him mom coming to visit, his sister coming to visit, etc etc.  So, when the first weekend came that he didn't have any set plans, I thought for sure he was going to ask me to do something either Friday or Saturday night.  It turns out I was not factored into his weekend plans at all.  Seeing as how it had been over a month already and he was traveling abroad for 2 weeks not long after, I was pissed.

When I suggested Friday or Saturday night, he told me that he had dinner plans with his cousin Friday night and dinner plans with a friend Saturday night.  So, he asked me if we could hang out Thursday.  I said no.  Sensing my pissed-off-edness, he switched his Friday night plans and asked me to go to dinner instead.   I picked a place by my apartment, since every other time we had gone back to his place after dinner.  Dinner was fun...and then we went back to my apartment to drink some wine and watch tv...and that led to the obvious...

Afterwards, we just laid around talking for a bit, and then he got up and got dressed.  I asked him, shockingly, whether he was going home.  He replied that he was becuase he didn't like to sleep in other people's beds.  Now I was really mad.  Especially because I had shared with him my dislike of the idea of going home after sex.

The following week he was leaving for his two week vacation...so, I agreed to go out with him again Monday night thinking I was going to ask him "what we were."  But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was pointless.  He was already in vacation mode and I didn't want to be that crazy girl that wants to talk relationship right before he leaves.  So, I simply said "give me a call if you want when you're back." 

He did get in touch with me when he was back...but, of course couldn't make time for me on the weekend.  But, he did find time to call me at 11 pm that Friday night that he already had plans to see if he could come over.  I was pretty sick that whole week, so I figured "ehh, why not...it's not like I'm well enough to do anything...plus if he really upsets me, I'll just cough on him."  So, he came by...we watched tv and went to bed shortly after.  He stayed over, which I guess was a nice gesture.

We went to dinner the following Monday night and that was all well and good.  Afterwards, we went back to his place to hook up and watch some Olympics.  That was the last I saw him. 

About a week and a half after that Monday night, he texted me to say that he had quit his job and was going to be traveling around for 6 months.  I remembered our second date when after dinner we went back to his rooftop to have some wine and chit-chat, he told me that he wanted to spend 6 months traveling around south east Asia.  I remember thinking "who at the age of 28 would just take off for 6 months like that?"  That guy would.  He explained in his text message that he had a 6 month non-compete clause in his employment contract, so, that's how he was able to leave for so long. 

What makes me the most mad is not that he ended things so abruptly like that, but the fact that everytime he would complain about work, I asked him what was going on. But, he refused to talk about it.  Then, after 4 months of seeing each other, he just springs on me that his job is over and he's leaving the country.  Had he told me that things were bad at work and traveling for half a year was a real possibility, maybe I wouldn't have invested my time and emotions.  But, I guess that's why he kept that information to himself. 

Anyway, I don't think it would've worked with him.  Besides the not wanting to see me on weekends, I couldn't really stand that he always wore jeans and trouser socks.  I remember one night when we were laying in bed, I looked down on the floor and saw his socks neatly rolled up into a ball.  I thought to myself, "those are such old men socks...why does he always wear them and loafers?!"  Maybe it all worked out for the best.

Next: The Frugal Gourmet

The Summer of Men - Part I

After things ended with the guy featured in my prior post, I began to see other guys.  I went on a few dates here and there with no one worth mentioning.  There were however, four guys who made this summer interesting to say the least.

First, is a blast from my recent dating past - The Grown Up Frat Boy aka D-bag.  As you may remember, he was a grown up man-child who pretended that he wanted to settle down and have a serious relationship.  Except that that wasn't as much fun as going clubbing every night and partying with his boys on the regular.

After several months of not speaking to each other, he sent me a message on Facebook in the middle of the night.  It was a short message: "Hey."  But, I could tell what it was he wanted.  The following Saturday evening, I responded asking "drunk much last night?"  He replied by inviting me out to a club with him and his friends that night.  For whatever reason, I decided to go.  Seeing as how I haven't been to a club since I was probably 23, I didn't know what to wear.  My roommate helped me put together an outfit...I wore a short grey shift dress, my big fake pearl earrings, my roommate's blue/gold chunky neckalace and my 4 inch patent leather beige heels.  When I met him at da club, he told me I looked good - "very corporate", I believe were his exact words.

It was his buddy's birthday, so 35 of their closest friends had gotten a table and a bottle. GUFB asked what he could make me and I told him to just give me some vodka on the rocks.  The house music was blaring, the strobe lights were flashing...I knew I was going to need the aid of hard liquor for this. 

The surprising thing was that I actually had a good time.  We chatted about non-sense the whole night...joked around...had a good time all around.  At the end of the night, I went back with him to his place, but didn't sleep with him.  I of course fell asleep on the couch and he carried me to bed, gave me PJ's and helped me take my contacts out.  I thought maybe he's not so bad...he seems to be doing nice things. 

I left early Sunday morning, but before I left he confirmed that we were going out to dinner the next night (he asked me at da club, but I just rolled my eyes b/c I remembered how he would always make plans and then cancel at the last minute).  I told him sure and to call me.

He did call. I met him at his apartment and we walked to a restaurant in the Meatpacking District.  Dinner was really good and afterwards, I went back with him to his place for a little.  We watched a recorded episode of jeopardy and one thing led to another and yada yada yada.

I left around 11:30 and I remember thinking, ehh that wasn't so great.

That didn't, however, stop me from texting him about 2 weeks later.  My roommate and I were moving out of our apartment and Time Warner had come to take away all of our forms of entertainment.  We passed the night away by eating dinner, then eating a lot of cake and I drank 3/4 of a bottle of wine.  It was still only 9 pm.  With a little encouragement from my roommate and a lot of encouragement from all the wine I drank, I texted GUFB telling him he should come over.  You would think that a guy would show up soon after that.  Instead, here's how the conversation went:

GUFB: Did you just invite me over for an adult play date?

Me: Oh good, you got it.  I was worried it wasn't clear.

GUFB: Haha.  I literally just walked in from work and I ordered food...come here, I have sex and tv.

Me: Nah, you come here.  I have cake leftovers.

GUFB:  Cake?  I need real food.

Me:  (insert last name of GUFB), you dissapoint me.  Goodnight.

GUFB:  I'll text you after I eat.

Me:  Well, hurry up b/c I'm going to bed soon.

By the time he texted me back, it was too late. 

We rescheduled the play date for another night.  And, it was not fun.  He was drunk from hanging out with his boys all day and was being incredibly rude and obnoxious.  I ended up not getting any sleep that night because he kept his apartment at sub-arctic temperatures and apparently had no idea where his blanket was.  I couldn't wait to get up in the morning to go to work.

I'm pretty sure there won't be anymore playdates. 

Next: The Neuroscientist and the World Traveler

I'm Back

It's been a while since I wrote an entry so, as I sit here today, hungover from drinking many shots last night, I've decided that it's time to update you all on my love life. 

The last time I wrote I had been seeing a guy for about a month and things were actually going pretty well.  I guess I'll start with how that ended.

This guy was funny, cute, smart and seemed so sweet.  He would get in touch with me on a Monday to make plans with me for the weekend...he never let me pay for anything....he would email me in between dates just to say hi...I really liked him.  We went out on three dates within the course of three weeks and for our fourth date, I decided to invite him to my friend's birthday gathering at a local bar.  That Friday night we first went to dinner, which was a lot of fun and during which he spoke of us going to the beach together when the summer came.  I thought to myself, ok, he must like me if he's talking about hanging out several months from now.  After dinner, we went to my friend's birthday at the bar where he met a few of my friends and everyone seemed to like him.  I was so happy.  After the bar, I went back with him to his place.  The next day, things started to get weird.

That entire weekend I had continuing legal education courses that I had to attend.  So, I got up around 7 am Saturday morning at his place to go to class.  I was a little annoyed that he didn't get out of bed to walk me out of his apartment.  I got progressively annoyed as the weekend went on because he hadn't texted or called me to ask me how the class was going or just to say hey.  By Sunday night I was upset and worried that he wasn't going to speak to me again despite how great of a time we were having with each other.  But, around 9 pm that Sunday night, he finally texted me asking how the rest of my weekend was.  The next day at work, I expected an email or something asking me to go out again.  But, no such email came.  On Tuesday, he sent me an odd email simply asking how my week was going, but not asking to see me again.  I wrote back asking him what he was up to that week and he never responded.  At the end of the week, he wrote back to me stating that he didn't do anything during the week (I obvioulsy wondered why he didn't ask me to hang out then).  However, he did invite me out for Saturday...to bring some girlfriends to meet up with him and his friends for Cinco de Mayo drinking festivites. I knew something was up at this point, so I friended him on Facebook so that I could do some stalking research.  Turned out he had just gotten out of a five year long relationship about six months prior to our starting to date.  It all made sense me to then.

The following week, I emailed him to ask him if he wanted to get a drink one night.  My plan was to ask him what his deal was because while he had become distant, he was still sending me random one-liner emails.  Of course, he didn't have time to get a drink and by the end of the week he had sent me an email telling me that he really liked me, but was trying to work on things with his ex.

I got mixed advice from friends, but in the end I decided to reply to his email.  I stated that I knew something was up with his ex, which I had hoped to find out about over a drink and that I thought he was rude and disrespecful by leading me on and by not just telling me the truth from the get-go.  He responded that he was sorry and that he was so confused, etc etc.

That was the end of that.

Fast forward about two months....I was awoken on a Thursday night at 1:45 am to the sound of my phone ringing.  It was him.  I figured he accidentally dialed my number, so I silenced the call and went back to sleep.  Fifteen minutes later, he called again.  I silenced the call and went back to bed.  The next morning, I consulted my source of all important information - Facebook.  I saw that at around 2 am he checked in at a bar close to my apartment. I then knew the calls were no accident. 

So, I texted him that morning to thank him for the early wake up call.  He wrote back asking me if he could talk to me later that day.  I asked about what and he replied "just, everything..."  I have to say, I was pretty excited.  But, of course, he never called.  The next night, he texted me at 3 am asking if it was too late to call and if so, if he could call me tomorrow.  I told him to call me tomorrow.  By 10 pm that next day, he still hadn't contacted me so I decided to text him a friendly little message stating not to call or text me at 2 am in his drunken stupor.  He never responded.

And, that was really the end of that.

Long Overdue Update

Hey all, sorry for the lack of posting recently.  Here's a quick update on my dating life:

A few weeks ago I found out through Facebook that my ex has had a girlfriend for several months now.  It was a total shock and incredibly depressing.  I threw myself a pity party that weekend where I got drunk with some girlfriends and got lost in some amazing realty television.  The following Monday though the party was over and I resolved to stop nit-picking at all my dates and to really try to find a successful relationship.

I continued to date a few guys and I honestly had fun while out with each of them.  But, more importantly, for the last month I've been out a few times with one guy in particular who I really like.  He's sooooo sweet, funny, cute and smart and I have a great time each time we go out.  We have our fourth date this Friday....he's coming with me to a friend's birthday party and we're going out to dinner before hand.  Unlike many of the other guys I've dated, I actually can't wait to see this one and get excited whenever he texts or emails me.  I'm excited to see where this goes (and at the same time of course nervous and scared that it will end poorly - I wouldn't be me if I wasn't)...stay tuned!