The Boys of Summer

So, this summer I've been seeing two guys, both non-committal/ ineligible bachelor types. But, I'm not here to discuss that today. Rather, I'd like to talk about the gay and/or hipsters I've been on dates with in the meantime. 

A few weeks ago, I went out with a guy who chose a cute wine bar not far from his apartment. When he showed up, I was pleasantly surprised by his appearance. And then when he spoke, I thought "f****, here we go again." He spent most of our date talking about how hard it is to meet new male friends these days and about his buddy who he often comes to the wine bar with.

I just drank my wine and counted down the minutes until I could leave. When we had finished, he called over the waiter that he seemed to be friendly with.  I almost died when he raised his hand and said "Ufti, can we get the check?" in the most flamboyant accent. After that I went drunk shopping at trader joes. Just another regular monday night. 

Last night I went out with a guy on the lower east side, which is about 5378473 hours from where I live. I later found out that he had me meet him at a bar that he was already at as he was having a "meeting" there. I was so depressed when I got off the subway and began my walk to the overly loud and crowded bar, I ended up stopping for an eclair. I got a huge one and ate it while I walked to the bar. I felt so over it that I paid no mind to the bits of chocolate that fell down my shirt and felt no shame as I stuffed my face with the delicious pastry. Instantly, my spirits were lifted. 

When I got to the bar, it was so loud that we ended up walking even further away to another crowded bar. My date was either gay or a hipster. I couldn't really tell. Either way, not for me. He was nice enough, but after one sangria and some meatballs, I just wanted to begin my long trek home. Fortunately, he took my hint and I was home bound after one round. 

Dating is hard enough. Do we really need to be wasting each other's time going out with people who don't even meet the preferred gender criteria? Come on!

Powder Blue Khaki Pants

I think my first date after the secret agent man was with a guy who was the stereotypical NYC, finance, I love myself so much type.

We met at Eataly on a Thursday night to get drinks at the rooftop beer garden. I gave him points for good selection.  When he got there, he didn't know where to find me, so I told him to stay where he was and I'd go to him. When I first saw him, I thought "you've got to be kidding me."  He was decked out in powder blue khaki pants, a polo, sunglasses, and white boat shoes.  Now, I have nothing against boat shoes...I own a pair myself, actually.  But, I knew this wasn't just a man who was fashion-forward...this guy was going to be a d-bag.

The rooftop bar was packed, so we decided to get some drinks and food at the seafood restaurant counter.  Right after we sat down, two people asked us if we could move over one seat so that they could sit next to each other.  I said sure, and moved one seat to my right.  He moved one seat to his left.  Realizing he had no intention of inconveniencing himself, I slid myself over to sit next to him. We talked for a long time, mainly about how smart he is, how he's so rich, how companies fight to have him work for them, etc. etc.  I

After that we moved on to another wine bar, where we split a bottle of wine and a Cuban sandwich. I had suggested the latter.  We had more of the same conversation, but I had a good buzz going, plus my food.  So, I was fine.  After that we moved on to another restaurant for dessert.  He suggested sharing something, but I wasn't willing to share my cheesecake.  So, we each got dessert and another drink and fortunately, I barely remember what we talked about.  After that I was done, so we split a cab uptown...he kissed me out of nowhere and then luckily we were at his stop. I didn't hear from him again, but I wasn't that disappointed.  At least I had gotten some good food out of the ordeal. 

Secret Agent Man

So, once again, I'm back after a brief hiatus.  During my time off from writing, I dated a man who turned out to be a big let down.  I then took some time off from dating all together.  And, then I  remembered how much I want to get married, so, I got back in it. 

I met secret agent man on a dating site back in the early spring.  We made plans to meet at 7 pm on a Wednesday at a wine bar in midtown.  I got there on time and he of course showed up about an hour late.  It wasn't all so bad though, while I was sitting there at the bar waiting for my date to show up, the bartender gave me free bruschetta.  I think he pitied me...but, free food is free food.

When my date finally showed up, he was on the shorter side and very built.  I usually go for taller, skinnier, nerdy looking guys.  So, he was definitely different.  The date itself was fine...we stayed for three drinks...he was extremely flirtatious and maybe it was the wine, but I kind of thought he was getting cuter.  When the date was over he asked if I wanted to go out with him Saturday night.  I said sure, figuring "eh, what the heck."

By Saturday though, I thought about it again and convinced myself he wasn't for me.  I didn't like his chosen profession because it involved him traveling ALL the time (I figured when would I ever get to know him because he really was a secret agent man for the government. I made him show me several forms of ID on the first date because I didn't believe he was telling me his real name).  Plus, I thought he had a huge neck and I didn't like his last name.  I've been told that the last two reasons were "stupid."

I ended up cancelling on him for our Saturday night date, thinking I wasn't that into him.  I could tell he was disappointed when I cancelled...I felt bad, but didn't think much about it. 

That following Monday, he texted me saying that he had a great time with me the previous week and would like to see me again if I have any interest.  I thought that took some balls, so decided to give it a shot.  We made plans to hang out the following week, as of course, he was away for work that week.

To make a very long story short, we continued to see each other over the next few weeks.  He did everything right and my friends all agreed that he sounded wonderful.  He was constantly in touch with me, made plans to see me every time he wasn't away for work, would say the sweetest things to me, would talk about the future (which included me), wanted to come out with me and my friends so he could meet them.  I thought this must be it...the classic story of girl doesn't like guy at first, but he persists and she ends up falling in love with him!  I was smitten.

One Saturday night after we had gone out with his friend, we came back to my apartment and he told me that he was worried that I didn't like him as much as he liked me.  I think this stemmed from our previous weekend's conversation where he asked me if I was still seeing other people.  I, taken aback, said "yes, but not actively."  He told me that he wasn't.  So, to reassure him that I definitely did like him (which, at this point I clearly did), I told him that I didn't want to see anyone else.  We went to bed and the next morning, he asked if he could take me out Wednesday night to celebrate what would be my first day of work at my new job.  I said yes and felt comforted by the fact that I would get to see him after my first day at a brand new job.

Monday came and went and I didn't hear from him at all. I thought that was odd because in the almost two months we had been dating, he texted me at least once a day to say hi.  Tuesday came and by 6 p.m. I still hadn't heard from him.  Nervous, I texted him asking where he wanted to go for dinner the next night.  Three hours went by and no response.  I texted him again asking if everything was ok.  He wrote back "sorry, can't make it tomorrow night, going to California."  I was dumbfounded.  I asked if he was going for work, and all he said was "yeah."  He never wished me luck on my first day and never mentioned wanting to see me when he was back.  All of a sudden, out of the complete blue, he ghosted.  I texted him three times that following week asking if he could explain why he disappeared, especially after we had just agreed not to see other people.  A week later he finally responded and acted as though nothing unusual had happened.  He said he wanted to take me out Saturday night, but I knew at this point he wasn't to be trusted. All I said was "sure, let me know."  He never spoke to me again.

This wasn't the first time a guy disappeared after things were going seemingly so well.  But, it was the first time a guy disappeared with no warning signs whatsoever!  The only explanation I could come up with was that he was a nut job who just wanted to see if I would agree not to see other people.  He had brought up several times how he was disappointed when I cancelled our second date.  And, I knew that he had once been engaged, but broke it off when he found out that his ex-fiancé had been cheating on him while he was in the army.  So, maybe I just got caught up with someone who had serious issues with rejection.  Oy.

Eventually, I started to get over it, and went on more dates hoping to find my future husband.  Details to follow.

The Cultural Side of Dating

The Sober Croatian Guy - I met a guy who also has Croatian grandparents and was hopeful.  I figured he would probably have similar values and was hopefully raised to be a gentleman.  We met up at a wine bar one Sunday night, where he informed me right away that he does not drink.  Perplexed and disappointed, I asked if he wanted to go somewhere else, but luckily he said no.  So, I ordered a glass of wine and he ordered a glass of water.  My curiosity got the best of me and I ended up asking what made him give up alcohol forever.  He then informed me of the following: He used to have a drinking problem and was fresh out of a relationship with a party animal who does cocaine and that he is still friends with her.  He also told me about how he hates his job at a big law firm and that he wants to quit and find something else to do with his life.  I told him that most lawyers hate their jobs and asked him if maybe he was overreacting. But, he wasn't...he wants to find that special job that makes him happy now that he's turned over a new leaf and has quit drinking (but yet still hangs out with his coke head ex girlfriend).  I wonder what his grandparents would say about this.  I can tell you that mine, along with the entire village they live in, would be in an uproar if I was making these choices.

The Syrian - As the title suggests, this guy is Syrian. His parents came to the U.S. when he was little and he grew up in Houston, TX. I met up with him at a wine bar on a Thursday night and had a great time.  He was cute, funny, very smart and seemed to pretty successful in his career.  The next day he texted me that he had fun and invited me to a birthday party his friend was throwing in the West Village Saturday night.  I thought it was a little too soon for an invite like that, but agreed to go nevertheless. 

We first got drinks at a speakeasy in the East Village, which was great and then headed over to this birthday party.  It was no ordinary b-day party.  First of all, the apartment was more of a mansion - a mansion located next door to Hugh Jackman's mansion.  All the girls there were decked out in the most expensive designers (Hermes, Louboutin, Chanel, etc...) and most of the guys were dressed like d-bags.  Fortunately, this was not his usual crew.  He assured me that he thought the party was way over the top and that he really had just wanted to check out this apartment that he had heard so much about. 

About half way through the night, I resolved to have a good time despite feeling incredibly uncomfortable.  So, I went to the bar that was being manned by two model-ish women and began drinking grey goose and sodas very rapidly.  Sure enough, I ended up having a great time with the Syrian at the party...we laughed and kissed and made fun of everyone there.  Afterwards, I didn't want the night to end, so we went back to his place (where don't worry, nothing happened). 

The next morning we talked for three hours while laying around in bed and then went out for coffee.  He was leaving for London on Monday (for work), but asked if I wanted to see him when he got back.  We emailed each day that he was away and when he got back we exchanged some funny text messages re Hugh Jackman and the party we had experienced together.  Then, Sunday night we went to dinner, which was a lot of fun and back to his place to watch 60 minutes.  Instead of watching the show though, we made out and went to bed like the old people that we are.

I'm not sure what happened after that because he didn't ask me to hang out again.  I thought things were fine and while I wasn't exactly convinced this was the guy I was going to marry, I still enjoyed my time with him.  It would've been nice to go out a few more times.  I guess the good thing is at least now I don't have to debate whether I should marry into a Syrian family or not.  Always looking at the positive.

The Squash Player

After things ended with the sort of boyfriend, I went back on the online dating site so that I could go out on dates and hopefully spend less time thinking about how sad I was.  The squash player didn't really help with this.

His profile said he was 35 years old, lived in the city and under occupation it said "squash player/stock market junkie" and he looked super cute in his pictures.  I figured he was in finance or something and played squash in his spare time.  Turns out it was the opposite - he teaches children how to play squash somewhere in New Jersey. 

He chose a random pub by his apartment and I met him there one evening a few weeks ago.  I noticed two things right off the bat: (1) he wore a gold band on his right hand finger and (2) he was gay.

The first thing I said to him upon seeing the ring was "Oh, are you married?"  He said "no" and explained that he has been wearing his dad's wedding band since he was 14 years old.  I naturally wondered if his father had passed away and was that why he wore his wedding band.  Nope.  He said his dad took the ring off one day when he was 14, so he took it from the counter and has been wearing it since.  He further explained that he's not used to having to explain why he wears it becuase he just got out of a 7 year relationship with a girl 8 years his junior. I was really thrown for a loop with all this information and the fact that he stated it all in a super flamboyant manner.

I had so many questions for him, but it was ridiculously loud at the pub we were in.  So, he suggested we go next door to a Brasserie that opened recently.  We went to that bar and it was much more quiet as we were the only customers there.  My date spent most of the evening chatting up the male bartender, but I got a few questions in here and there. I found out that he had started seeing the "girlfriend" of 7 years when he was 28 and she was 20.  I found it weird that a 28 year old man would date a 20 year old girl.  I found it even more weird that during the course of their 7 year relationship, they never lived together.  Honestly, I found everything weird about him.

At one point, he asked me for advice on dating women since he'd been out of the scene for so long.  In my head, I thought, let's be real here, you don't like women.  But, it was not my place to tell him that if he hadn't realized it already.  So, instead I said "well, you could start by taking off the wedding band."  To this, he BLEW UP at me! Out of nowhere he started going off on me saying that he already explained why he wears it and his ex never had a problem with it.  I tried to calm him down and explain to him that he asked me for advice and that I was simply indicating how it came off as a first impression.  He told me that I was so judgmental for not understanding about the gold wedding band.  Then I said, "why don't you wear it on a chain as a neckalace and tuck it into your shirt?"  His response: "Won't that make me look gay?"
I had enough at that point.  And, apparently, so had he because he was still huffing and puffing over the fact that I suggested he not wear the wedding band on dates.  I asked him if he was ok, and he threw his hands up in the air and grunted or something.  Luckily he decided to just pay the bill at that point and I was free of his craziness. 

More than anything, I was annoyed that despite it being extrememly clear that he was gay (his manuerisms, his flirting with the bartender, his never having lived with his "girlfriend" of 7 years, etc...) he decided it was ok to waste my time by asking me out.  There are plenty of other loonies I could've gone out with who at least would've potentially put a ring on my finger some day.

The Sort of Boyfriend

It might be hard for me to fully explain the story of the Sort of Boyfriend because I think I'm still trying to understand what exactly happened.  Here goes:

I went out with this guy for the first time in mid-December.  He picked a bar up by me and we met up for brunch on a Sunday.  When he got there he advised me that he would only be drinking ginger ale because he went out to dinner the night before with his friends and overstuffed himself.  I completely understood. 

We had an ok time and at the end of it, I thought ehh, I could go out with him again or not.  He texted me a bit over the next few days just to say hi, which I like and then he asked me out again for the following week.  We went out to dinner to a Mexican place by me which he picked.  When we got there I realized he hadn't made a reservation...I figured it was just because he was a guy and guys forget to do things like make reservations for dinner on a Friday night.  While we waited for a table, we sat at the bar and had a margarita.  I took my coat and purse off and looked for a hook on which to hang them.  He took my purse from the stool and hung it on a hook for me.  I thought this simple gesture was really sweet and showed that he was attentive. 

Dinner was so much fun and after we went to a wine bar near by.  We were out until 2 am!  That is major for me.  At the end of the night, he tried to get me to come back to his place, but I said no because I was beginning to like him and thought there was real potential.  So, he hailed me a cab and kissed me goodnight. 

The next week was great...he kept in touch and we had great banter between us.  He asked me out again for after New Year's and we then went out a few more times.  Things were going so well - he always made it known that he wanted to see me, he talked to me in between dates, he was sweet and funny...I was so happy!

Three weeks into dating, we went to dinner and he invited me to go to his friend's birthday party the following weekend.  I knew he was pretty serious at that point.  I was thrilled that he asked me and was so excited to go. 

That Saturday night, I went over to his apartment first and we ordered dinner and then left for the party.  All his friends were so nice and more importantly, they were all married.  I figured since he's 32 and all his friends are married, clearly he wants to be married too.  (I believe this is what they call foreshadowing).  Anyway, my guy kept an eye on me throughout the night just to make sure I was doing ok mingling with his friends when we were split up (which I thought was very sweet and thoughtful). 

After that night, his interest did not wane.  He suggested we cook dinners together, he continued to take me out, we took a cooking class together, we were spending whole weekends together.  He even referred to me as his girlfriend.  I cannot even begin to put into words how happy I was.  I thought it was all too good to be true.  But, my friends assured me that this is how it's supposed to be when you meet a great guy.  I thought it was amzing that things were progressing so well. 

Another perk was that the photographer, upon seeing a picture of me and my guy on facebook, texted me pretending that he never fell off the face of the earth and that things were still peachy between us.  He asked what was new and how I was doing...I replied with one word answers.  Then he said that we should get together sometime.  I said "I'm seeing someone, so I don't think so."  It felt great!

The weekend before Valentine's Day, I was at his apartment, as per usual.  However, I began to feel like he wanted his space and wanted me out of there.  Of course this did not feel nice, but I understood that it was natural for him to miss his man-time.  He had been single for most of his life and I could see how it was a drastic change to go from single to all of a sudden there's a girl in his space every weekend.  So, I went home early that Sunday and backed off.  By Monday things were back to normal.  He picked a place for Valentine's Day, but again did not make a reservation.  So, I found that my favorite Mexican place had an available reservation and booked that for us. 

V-Day dinner was so nice and romatic...he showed up with roses and I had made him chocolate covered oreos, which I knew he liked.  After dinner, we went back to his apartment and watched tv and got ready for work the next morning. 

The three-day weekend after V-Day, I noticed that he wasn't texting me and that when I would text him asking how his weekend was he replied with short, snippy comments.  I began to worry. 

Still not hearing from him by Tuesday, I called him to ask why he was acting so cold.  He told me that he's never had a relationship last more than five months because everytime he gets to this point he realizes he doesn't want "the headache of a relationship"...you know, like, "having to talk about each other's days."  I was trying to understand this all.  I pointed out to him that it was he who wanted me to meet his friends, he who wanted to cook dinners together, he who wanted to spend weekends together, he who wanted to take the cooking class, etc etc.  His response?  "I know, i'm sorry."

I asked him what he wanted...he said he didn't know.  I asked him if he wanted to see other people.  He said no.  I then said that this wasn't fair to me and that he had to tell me what he wanted.  He had nothing more to say than "I don't know."  I then pointed out that he is 32 years old, that all his friends are married and that his sister has two kids and that it might be time he figures out what he wants.  I also said that I'm 29 and I know what I want - and that this flakiness was not it.  I wasn't going to be his girlfriend when he wanted one and then disappear when he was feeling too overwhelmed with the whole "headache of a relationship."  He said he understood and that was the last I've spoken to him.

If he knew that he had a history of flaking out after a few months, then he should have never led me on to think this would continue to progress.  He literally went from hot to cold in a matter of days.  I spent the next week replaying everything in my head and  re-reading all of our text messages..trying to make some sense out of everything.  It was impossible.  Instead, I just got over him a little more each day...went back on the dating site and started all over again. 

I went on a first date again the following week.  It was an adventure.  Stay tuned.

The Nice Chatty Guy

This guy was number two in the triology of my winter dating partners.  He "flirted" with me on the online dating site we were both on and then I took the reins and sent him a message.  In his profile he wrote that he couldn't stand constant emailing back and forth and thought it best to just meet for a drink.  Agreeing with this, I wrote to him "the only thing worse than emailing back and forth is texting back and forth."  To which he responded "why are you giving your number to so many of these guys?"  Touche.

I thought he was funny, so I gave him my number and told him he had 5 text messages to ask me out for a drink.  He did and we had some silly banter along the way.  The date was really nice...he picked the place and everything. One drink turned into one bottle and I found that we had a lot to talk about.  We discovered a distant connection between us when he told me all about his ex (he had just gotten out of a relationship, which is never a good thing to find out when dating) and then asked me about mine.  I told him about how our relationship had really started to fall apart after his sister passed from cancer.  Turns out he knew who I was talking about because he was dating the best friend of my ex's cousin at that time.  After we realized that he had probably already met each other a few years ago, we just kind of sat there and stared at each other.  We ended up talking about some of our memories from that horrific time and the next thing I knew, we were both crying becuase of how said it was.

On that note, we dried our eyes, got the check and he got a cab for me.  He tried to kiss me, but I was in such a weird mood from the heavy conversation we just had, that I instinctively backed away. 

When I got home that night, I texted my ex's cousin to see what he had to say about this fellow.  He gave a pretty positive review.  So, I texted the date and thanked him again and told him that I had a nice night.  From then on, we chatted over text message for the next two weeks.  And, when I say we chatted, I mean, we discussed everything under the sun.  This guy loved to talk.  I knew it probably wasn't going to go anywhere, because it sounded like he wasn't completely over his ex...but, he was nice and I enjoyed talking with him, so I went with it.  We went out again for the second time two weeks later.  It was another fun time, but I felt like there was less of a connection.  It just naturally fizzled out after that.  Plus, I was also dating guy number three (see next post) and I was more interested to see where it could go with him.

Mr. Chatty was great...he was sweet, funny, smart, a gentleman and just all around a great guy.  It sucks that there wasn't more of a connection, but maybe there will be another like him someday.